Is This Weird?

 My oldest sister, the one I’m not allowed to talk about, was going to a prom. She was really pretty and got asked to proms and dances all the time. She would get all dolled up and apply her Lee Press-on Nails. Remember those? They never stayed on. We found one of her nails once in a big pot of spaghetti.

She was getting ready for the prom and needed some nail polish for her fake nails. My mom wasn’t a big nail polish person and didn’t have any, so she went down the basement.

I believe I told you that my dad was the manicurist in the family. He would paint the dead ladies nails, and just like a salon he had a stash of nail polish in the basement. I have to be honest; it wasn’t a wide variety of colors. But let’s face it, purple glitter nail polish wouldn’t  look good on any dead lady. Most of the colors were shades of pink and peach.

There have been times when I’ve gotten a manicure or pedicure and asked my sisters what they thought of the color, they both have said “it looks like dead lady nail polish.” Thanks a lot. I always keep that in mind when choosing colors.

Anyway, so my sister resorted to the dead lady nail polish for her Lee Press-ons. What’s a girl to do? Make a trip to the drug store for nail polish when there’s a whole stash in the basement? I don’t think so.  Is that weird?

Kids and teens use what’s in the house, right? On the front porch of the funeral home, where people would sometimes smoke during a funeral, were a couple of little wooden cabinets. In those cabinets were prayer cards, plastic rain hats just in case it rained at the cemetery and smelling salts in case people fainted at the funeral. As kids, we would take a couple of smelling salts, break them open and try to make each other smell them. Is that weird? What did you play with at your house?

In those cabinets were also bumper stickers that said “FUNERAL” that people would put on their cars as part of the procession to the cemetery. I think a better bumper sticker would have said “My honor student was buried at Donohue’s.” Thank you, I’ll be here all week.



We also kept these really big, black umbrellas on the porch, also used at the cemetery. When we were kids, if there wasn’t a funeral on the weekend, we’d open all the umbrellas in the parlor, drape blankets over them and make tents. Then, we’d go get cereal and eat our breakfast in our tents. The parlor was a fun place to play because it was pretty big. Sadly, we didn’t get to play there often thanks to the dead bodies and caskets. They really got in the way of my childhood fun 😦


It’s “Thirsty Thursday”…..drink up!

About Death To Hollywood

My name is Celeste Donohue and I am a writer/comedian who started this blog to tell stories about my life growing up in a funeral home and my adult life which I have spent in Hollywood, California – hence the name, “Death To Hollywood”. Hopefully, you like to read those kinds of stories. If not, go read something serious and boring.....
This entry was posted in death, family, funeral home, funerals, weird and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Is This Weird?

  1. mdonohue says:

    Do you remember the time when all the umbrellas folded up on somebody else’s kid?Love Mom

  2. john martino says:

    I always knew you were wacky…that’s what attracted me to you in the first place…now I KNOW why you’re wacky!!! Great reading…I can’t help but touch myself as I type with one finger…

  3. Christine says:

    Do you think that your family all talks in the same manner? When I am reading your entries, you “sound” exactly like your sister B-. And yeah, B would go to the basement to get free nail polish instead of heading to the drug store.

  4. Kris says:

    Love this one….I remember making John smell the smelling salts holding his head to it….sorry John!…they used to sting your nose…….Our umbrella tent was so great!! It used to take up the whole parlor…..Cee, “B’s” fake nail was also found in the spinach salad mom made for dinner. Dad found it and thought it was a piece of an egg:)

  5. we don’t really need to dispute the dish do we?? 🙂

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