Another place I waited tables early on in my Hollywood waitressing career was a place on Ventura Boulevard in Encino called something like “Le Jazz.” I can’t remember the exact name because it was a long time ago, the place is now closed, and they fired me, so fuck them anyway. One celebrity I waited on at this place was David Cassidy.
Growing up we watched the Partridge Family right after the Brady Bunch on Friday nights, and although I wasn’t a huge David Cassidy fan, it was still exciting to be waiting on a childhood icon. He was a HUGE teen idol when I was little, possibly as big as Justin Bieber is now, but with a long shag haircut that was almost as bad as Bieber’s hair. He was so nice and pleasant and polite, the way a customer should be. I think I love you David Cassidy for your good manners.
There’s nothing worse than a rude celebrity… like Mike Farrell. Remember him? He played BJ Hunnicutt on the wildly popular TV show, M*A*S*H. I was never a big fan of the show but my brother was and he always liked that character so it was a little disappointing to find out he was such a rude prick when I waited on him. No pleases, no thank yous and really demanding and condescending. He kept sending his food back saying it wasn’t to his liking. His shitty attitude wasn’t to my liking but what could I do? Restaurant owners and managers will freak out if you don’t kiss celebrity ass so I had no choice but to suck up his rudeness.
But here’s my question: Why would anyone be rude to someone who is handling their food? That is just stupid to me. All it takes is one disgruntled waiter to do something weird to your food and you’ll be too distracted by the diarrhea to realize it. I like to roll the dice, but not when it comes to my food. If anything, I’m extra polite to those people. In fact, I think it should be a law that everyone has to wait tables for a month of their lives so that they can truly understand what a shitty job it can be and force people to understand the importance of being nice to a server, and how to tip properly.
By the way, I googled Mike Farrell before I wrote this to make sure I spelled his name right and it turns out he has a website and contact info in case you want an autograph. Do you think he’s getting many autograph requests? If you write to him tell him I said hi and to consider attending charm school.
I also waited on Jack Wagner at this restaurant, formerly of General Hospital and Melrose Place, who is now engaged to Heather Locklear (congrats). He was really nice and polite too, unlike dickhead Mike Farrell. Jump to about 15 years later, I’m doing stand-up in a coffee house in North Hollywood and Jack Wagner was in the audience. I should’ve said something but I think I forgot about it at the moment. I was so distracted by the fact that he was staring at me without cracking a smile. So, I can say for sure that Jack Wagner has very good manners and no sense of humor.
Have a beautiful day and don’t forget to add fiber to your diet….