Disneyland

 

that's a bold statement!

Disneyland: The Happiest Place on Earth? I don’t think so. I have been in LA for over 20 years and have never been to Disneyland, so obviously it can’t be the happiest place on earth or I would have gone. How can a place with tons of kids and long lines possibly be the happiest place on earth?

My friend goes every year on his birthday and he told me I’d probably hate it. I don’t like crowds and I worked in Universal’s Theme Park so I’m familiar with how those touristy people are…highly annoying. If I was doing acid or extasy, I’d probably like it, or I’d freak out, so I don’t want to take the chance. Having a bad trip on an amusement park ride would be scary. I once did mushrooms at a Halloween party and at first it was fun, but then the mushrooms turned on me and I freaked out when it got really crowded. There were all these devils and witches and scary people, so I ran upstairs, hid in a bedroom and called the cops…on the party that I was at!  What a moron.  So, I don’t want to take the chance of freakin’ out at the top of Space Mountain.

A one-day ticket to Disneyland costs $139 during the “on” season, but right now they are $80 for anyone over 10 years old. What the hell is in there that is worth that much money? Rides? I don’t really like rides or the lines for rides or the people in line for rides. Mickey Mouse? Did you ever notice when Mickey Mouse talks it sounds like someone is squeezing his little mouse balls?

Squeeze my balls!

I auditioned for Disneyland dance shows a long time ago but never got hired. They have a reputation for hiring “wholesome, all-American” looking people, which means the men are not allowed to have moustaches, so I’m assuming the women probably aren’t either. And the women can’t wear dangling earrings. Do dangling earrings make you look like a whore? Maybe I had dangling earrings on at the audition and they whispered to themselves, “We can’t hire that whore, look at her earrings!” I was always glad I didn’t get the job because the commute is too far. I think it’s in Orange County.

Commuting in LA is possibly the worst thing in the world. Much worse than poverty and hunger. I have done long commutes in this city for various jobs and those days are over. Now I ride the train with a lot of unsavory people but my job is only two train stops away and it’s better than dealing with the traffic, except I have to deal with tourists every day on Hollywood Boulevard, and I believe I’ve already told you how annoying they are. Disneyland would just aggravate me.

You’re probably wondering why I wrote about Disneyland since I’ve never been there or worked there, and my answer is “I have no idea.” I don’t know if I saw a commercial or was thinking about drugs, or what prompted this. I’m not trying to discourage you from going there, but now that I’m thinking about it, I hope this blog post doesn’t put Disneyland out of business.

Consider this a random blog that has nothing to do with anything. But here’s the good news; tomorrow’s blog will have a purpose and relevance….unlike the Kardashians.

Have a manic Monday, I know I will.

Advertisements

About Death To Hollywood

I am a writer/comedian that was kind of pressured into doing a blog. I didn't really know much about blogs which is why I resisted. But now that I have one, I still don't know much about them. I like to tell funny stories that are true. Hopefully, you like to read those kinds of stories. If not, go read something serious and boring.....
This entry was posted in celebrities, family, Hollywood, weird and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Disneyland

  1. Josephine says:

    I love Disneyland!

    Living in San Diego all those years I went tons of times. I was only 16 with younger sisters when we moved there in ’68 so we went. And of course with the kids. But I would go all by myself without kids! And I hate rides! Ha, ha, ha!

    The thing about Disneyland for me is that it isn’t just roller coaster, upside down, puke in your lap rides so I had something to do too besides just wait for people.

    With my oldest, the first time we took her she was 18 months old and Mickey Mouse scared the crap out of her. She cried and cried, but when we were home, flipping around the TV, all of a sudden she was interested in him in the cartoons where she never had been before. Weird.

  2. Mr Maryknoll says:

    I din’t notice that you looked like a whore when I saw you in Maine a couple of years age.But now that I think about it……

  3. Kris says:

    Lots of germs at disney land, world…whatever! Thankfully, they put sanitizer stations everwhere in the park…..you know kids and their dirty little fingers:) i had fun! The firework display everynite at disneyworld epcot center was amazing….

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s