Diversity and Pork

 Living in LA you have to appreciate racial diversity. Well, you don’t have to, but if you don’t then you’re probably a racist. I’ve met so many people from so many different countries since living in this city and I love to watch them, judge them, and come up with my own stereotypes.

I worked at Capezio in Hollywood for a couple of years. It’s a big dance wear company, and I met every nationality of people in that place. Also, my boss was Cuban, one of my coworkers was Mexican , one guy was from Equador, the other guy was half black, half Puerto Rican, and everyone spoke Spanish except me and this other white girl.

Because each of them was of Latin descent, but from different countries, they used to make fun of each other, to which I would say, “I don’t get why you make fun of each other, you’re all the same to me.” Just so you know, I said it purposely to piss them off, and then I’d explain to them that a white girl like me doesn’t really know the differences in their cultures, but they all speak Spanish, which I don’t understand, so they all seem the same as far as I’m concerned. They would get so annoyed it was funny. But then I broke it down to them. I said, “If you didn’t speak any English and you saw an American, an Australian, an Irish person and a British person standing around talking to each other in English, would you be able to tell the difference in their cultures? No, you would see four white people talking and you wouldn’t know which one was which and you’d think we were pretty much the same.”  See? It makes sense.

By the way, I feel the same about Asians. I know there are differences between them, but I don’t know what they are so I can’t always tell who’s Japanese, Chinese, Korean, etc. Does that make me a bad person?

Last year I went to a nearby Indian restaurant and I ordered a beer and some food I can’t pronounce. Let me first say that I watch the National Geographic channel a lot and have seen some shows about India. That is one crazy country. They have monkeys that run around in the street, and the monkeys will jump into the windows of people’s houses and steal shit from them. They showed a monkey running down the street with a liter of Coke in each hand that he stole out of someone’s refrigerator. I honestly don’t know why they don’t have secure, monkey-proof windows in their houses. Haven’t we gotten to a point in evolution where we figured out how to keep monkeys from robbing us?

I stole this

Anyway, I ordered the beer and when I started to pour it into the glass, I saw a bug floating in it. I don’t know if it came out of the bottle or was in the glass already, but I called the waitress over and showed it to her. She was this nice little Indian girl.  She picked up the glass, looked at the bug, and said with a heavy accent, “Oh, I’ll go get a spoon.” What?  I was momentarily confused. Did she just say she’s going to get a spoon? To scoop the bug out?? I hesitated and then I said, “I don’t need a spoon, I need a fresh beer please”. She looked at me like I was crazy. What’s a little bug in your drink when you have monkeys running around in the street? That must have been what she was thinking. She went and asked the manager and I guess he “approved” her request to give me a bug-free beer. It was really funny, and as I was waiting for my new beer I was thinking about an article I read about a place in India where an elephant went into a temple and trampled three people to death. We only see elephants at the zoo and on TV. Can you imagine being in the middle of church and all of the sudden an elephant comes in and kills three of the members of the congregation?  What kind of place is that? So, her attitude was probably like, “I come from a country where we have way bigger problems that a little bug in our beer, lady.”

There’s another Indian restaurant that I used to order from until they started substituting pork for chicken in some of their dishes. Just because pork is the “other white meat” doesn’t mean I don’t know the difference. It annoyed me that they think I can’t tell my meats apart, but I can, because I know and love meat. Did you know that pork is the most consumed meat worldwide? And I love pork…especially when it’s not being passed off as chicken.

So, what is the point of this post? I don’t really know. Maybe I just want you to be on the lookout for suspect meat when dining in “cultural” restaurants.

Anyway, I like diversity for the most part. I’ve learned a lot about other cultures living in LA. However, I don’t like when it interferes with my food or drinks in any way.

Don’t you love the word “pork”?  Have a delicious day!

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About Death To Hollywood

I am a writer/comedian that was kind of pressured into doing a blog. I didn't really know much about blogs which is why I resisted. But now that I have one, I still don't know much about them. I like to tell funny stories that are true. Hopefully, you like to read those kinds of stories. If not, go read something serious and boring.....
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7 Responses to Diversity and Pork

  1. meg says:

    enjoyed this 100%. nicely played, celeste.

  2. Josephine says:

    Ooh, I like your explanation about not being able to tell the difference between four white people standing around from different countries. I am going to steal it if I need it because I am very bad at telling what nationality people are from their looks or their names. If people let me and aren’t still yelling, I will give you credit for the explanation. 🙂

  3. mdonohue says:

    Celeste,that was a very interesting blog.Stuff I never thought about.Thanks for sharing.Love,Mom

  4. Kris says:

    Pork on the boardwalk, bacon, pulled…. You love it!! Love the stealing monkey:)

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