The “Golden” Child

Continuing on with the family profiles, I decided to start with my brother  because I’ve spent more time with him as an adult  than my sisters and we also have a special bond from all the stuff we’ve been through together in LA.  So here he is….

I may not look crazy....

My brother John has an interesting place in the family being the youngest after three girls. In one way it was really good for him because he had three different girls to deal with, plus my mother. He learned how to talk to and handle women, and how to be a gentleman because there was no way he wasn’t going to learn that with four broads telling him what to do 🙂 We were definitely a female dominated household, but my dad also had three sisters so he taught John how to treat girls, but from a man’s point of view. When he started to date girls, we schooled him on what to do to keep them happy; valuable lessons that eventually got him more ass than a toilet seat. (don’t you love that phrase?)

When he was little he was really skinny and small. Oddly skinny, in fact, so much so that people thought my mom didn’t feed him enough. The truth is he ate like a little pig and still does. To this day, I don’t know anyone who eats faster than my brother and he’ll also finish your leftovers. It’s actually interesting to watch because he shoves big chunks of food into his mouth and within two minutes, an entire plate is gone.

stunt man in training...

Anyway, because he was so small as a kid, not only was it easy for us to bully him, but he was also a target for the older kids in the neighborhood.  But, his weapon was his speed. They could never catch him, just like Forrest Gump. This kid, Mark, who lived down the street, who was about three years older than John and who was also kind of a bully and delinquent, would always terrorize him. One day John was walking down the alley on his way home for dinner when Mark popped out of nowhere and started chasing him. We lived at the end of the block, so John had a way to go before he reached the safety of our house. John was running as fast as he could and eventually got a big enough lead on him that he knew he could make it. But right as my brother got to the back of our house, he slipped on something and it slowed him down. Otherwise, Mark wouldn’t have caught him.  But he did, and he grabbed John by the shirt. John thought he was gonna get his ass kicked, but instead, Mark let go of him, gave him a light slap on the face and said, “You’re gettin’ pretty fast, kid” and he walked away. He got respect for being able to out run his bullies I guess.

I’m convinced that all the chasing and bullying is what made John so interested in martial arts. He’s a black belt in Tae Kwon Do, knows Jujitsu, Judo, Boxing and all that other violent crap.

I'm a black belt bro, I'll kick your ass!

He was always really physical, active, athletic and a risk taker, so it’s no wonder he grew up to be a stuntman. Did I mention that already? Yep, he’s a hot shot Hollywood stunt man! He’s worked on 2 of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies and lots of other cool jobs. He jumps off high buildings, gets hit by cars (like he did when he was little) and all kinds of other dangerous shit.

But he’s really fun and really funny. He’s one of the people I laugh the hardest with. We share a very sick sense of humor (like my dad) and also lived together for 8 years in Hollywood, which added to the sickness that brought us closer. If Hollywood doesn’t make you crazy, nothing will. And if seeing your brother’s ball doesn’t bring you closer, nothing will.

Living under the circumstances that we did in Hollywood for so long sometimes caused huge fights  that ended with us screaming “FUCK YOU” at the top of our lungs at each other.  We laugh about it now, but we also had some really fun times.  He had a couple of fake guns that we would play with when we had no money and nothing to do. One of us would hide (in our one bedroom apartment) and the other  one would “hunt” them down. I always lost because he would sneak up and shoot me, but I would keep shooting even though I was dead already or start shooting before I even saw him, and that made him laugh.

He also loves to scare people. Any chance he gets to scare someone, he will do it. He’ll usually hide behind something and pop out. He would do it to my oldest sister and she would get so pissed, which of course, was funny.

I bullied him the most growing up because he was small and weak and the only one younger than me.  But he’s paid me back tenfold by trying out his “new moves” on me. He’s hit me, punched me and kicked me in the stomach “by accident.” He’s also taught me

John teaching me "moves"

some of his “moves” in the event that someone attacks me and they’re patient enough for me to try and remember how to do the move. We have an exceptional relationship though. It’s based on honesty and really sick humor.  He’s definitely one of the best guys I know. Not that he isn’t a prick sometimes because he is 🙂 but overall, you couldn’t meet a better guy.

John, similar to my mother, has a very positive outlook on life. I think part of it is his makeup (and by makeup I mean eye shadow and lipstick ) and part of it is because of the things he’s seen in his life. He, by far, experienced the most with the family business and has seen a lot of disturbing things that luckily  he’s willing to share with you. He really understands that life is too short to be wasted with people or on stuff that doesn’t make you happy.

I call him “the golden child” because he’s my mom’s favorite, and why wouldn’t he be?  He’s the only boy, the youngest and he’s just like her. CRAZY!  But I love my bro…he’s definitely one of the funnest people I know. And he really knows how to party, which I respect!

I'm the "golden child"

good times in Hollywood..

About Death To Hollywood

My name is Celeste Donohue and I am a writer/comedian who started this blog to tell stories about my life growing up in a funeral home and my adult life which I have spent in Hollywood, California – hence the name, “Death To Hollywood”. Hopefully, you like to read those kinds of stories. If not, go read something serious and boring.....
This entry was posted in death, family, funeral home, funerals, Hollywood, weird and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

18 Responses to The “Golden” Child

  1. John Donohue says:

    “Ah, you broads are all a like!” 🙂

  2. The elder sister says:

    Hey Cee, I completely agree with your description of John! He is a great guy he got alot of Dad’s great qualities…….funny sense of humor, intelligence, generosity, loyalty to friends and then, well,
    He got some interesting traits from mom……..but didn’t you all? Ha ha ha! I love you all so much and I’m glad you’re my family!

  3. klpeach323 says:

    “he wasn’t going to learn that with four broads telling him what to do”

    hahahahahah thats gotta be tough…

  4. Christine says:

    Had a nice dinner with Suzi and that older sister. We laughed about this blog entry.

  5. mdonohue says:

    Good story about John! I must say we did and do have wonderful men in our life.Dad was always a gentleman with me,and all you girls.I don’t think John takes so much sass,as your Father did.You girls were our sweethearts and Dad would give you more room to grow.Sorry,Celeste you all will always be my favorites,not just John.Love,Mom

  6. Kris says:

    The “golden child” is a spectacular human being…..a wonderful brother!! Great story, Cee:) will always be mommy’s fav:) happy to call yonny, Johhny my brother!!

  7. Mr Maryknoll says:

    Another good one, C. I wish that I could have known John and you and your sisters much more intimately (no disrespect intended) than an infrequent hello. Instead, I was stuck with your mother and father.

  8. "the elder sister" says:

    Oh you forgot to mention how you and John are like “Adrian” and “Paulie” from Rocky…..only you’re “Paulie” and John’s “Adrian”!! I loved when you told me that story!

    And……… you’re the most like mom! HaHaHaHa!!!!

  9. Yeah, well that can come later. YOU”RE THE MOST LIKE MOM 🙂

  10. "the elder sister" says:

    No, you are!!!!!!! HaHaHaHaLaLaLa!

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