Expanding Your Vocabulary

Do you remember when you started cursing? I think I was about 9, around the same time I first tried smoking. It’s funny when kids learn to curse because half the time they don’t even know what they’re saying (like when I called that old lady a slut, read here: http://wp.me/s1JR3G-slut) Some kids hear it from their parents, others hear it on the street. I think I learned a little from both. The less serious curse words like “shit,” and “damn,” I heard at home, but I never heard the word “fuck” from my parents, except for the time the body rolled out of the casket and my dad cursed a blue streak (read here: http://wp.me/p1JR3G-5b). And as you know readers, my mother hates the “F” word. I just can not convince her what a great word it is.

My oldest sister tries to tell everyone that I was responsible for her son, Joey, saying the word “fuck” when he was two. Let’s clear this up right now. Her mouth is as filthy as mine is and when we’re together we accidentally curse more. So, when Joey said “fuck,” when he dropped something, he could just have easily heard it from her. Well, I was long gone when he started learning curse words from his friend. His little friend has two older brothers so he’s probably heard it all by now. This particular incident happened recently.

One day Joey asked my sister if there was a curse word for every letter of the alphabet. She said she didn’t think so but he said he thought there was and started to name them.

A is for Ass

B is for Bitch

C is for Crap (I did teach him that one, but that’s not even a curse)

D is for Damn

I don’t know what he said for E and he didn’t say “fuck” for F, he said “fart”…luckily his friend cleared this mistake up for him. A few months went by and one day my sister caught them talking about curse words and she asked the friend if he knew what the “F” word was. His friend nodded and she told him not to tell Joey what the word was.

Of course he told him! Joey confessed later to my sister that his friend told him the word but he didn’t know what it meant.  I’m not sure what happened after that, I think my sister ratted the kid out to his mom, I can’t remember.

But about a week later Joey is standing in the bathroom and he started coughing (my sister was close by). Apparently, he couldn’t stop coughing, and in between coughs he said, “I’m not afraid to say it,” and my sister said, “What?” He started coughing again, and when he finally stopped he came out with “coughing is an ass fucking!”

for your chest and your ass!

Wow! Coughing sucks, but I don’t know if I’d go that far.  My sister of course had to address it and how she didn’t laugh, I don’t know. This is another reason why I don’t have kids, because there is no way I would not be able to laugh if my kid said that, and then that would encourage him and my kid would be walking around saying everything was an ass fucking. She said, “WHAT DID YOU SAY?” He panicked and said “I don’t know” and then got all freaked out because he knew he said something really bad and clearly had no idea what he was saying…at least I hope he didn’t.

She of course told him never to say that again, etc., etc., and as far as I know she didn’t explain to him the meaning of what he said. I don’t think that would be good parenting, do you? Of all the curse words to put together, he really picked something explicit, and I like that. He didn’t hold back, he really went for it.

Well, like mother like son I guess. When my older sister was about seven, she heard a lot of curse words from these kids down the street. There were all boys in the family and they were mean kids! One of them used to threaten to beat me up when I would walk down the alley to my friend’s house. Another used to play basketball in the alley and every time he would shoot the ball, every single time, he made the sound of a crowd cheering. Then they would play against each other and scream at each other. My sister heard the older brother call one of the younger brothers a nigger (they were white by the way). She didn’t know the meaning; she just thought it just meant the equivalent to calling someone a brat.

Well, one night we were having dinner and Kris’s friend Jimmy, who lived down the street came to the back door of the kitchen (this was when the kitchen was still downstairs). He was barely tall enough to see in the screen (he was about six), and said, “Can Kris come out to play?” And my older sister who obviously saw him as a brat, came to the door and said “We’re eating dinner, nigger.”

When she recalled this story to me a couple of years ago, I laughed so hard I could barely breathe. There is something about kids cursing and not knowing the meaning that is just hilarious. Besides that, Jimmy was a little blonde-haired white boy, which made it funnier. It wouldn’t be funny if Jimmy was black, right?

that's Jimmy!

Of course, my parents didn’t find this hilarious at the time. She said the look on my dad’s face was one of shock and disappointment, like he was sad that she had learned that word somewhere because he knew she didn’t hear it from them. My parents were always careful not to say racist things or use serious curse words around us, but like good Catholics, took Christ’s name in vain on a regular basis.

Do you curse a lot? What’s your favorite curse word? I don’t think I have to tell you what mine is. The versatility of the “F” word is fucking great.  Have a fabulous Monday!





About Death To Hollywood

My name is Celeste Donohue and I am a writer/comedian who started this blog to tell stories about my life growing up in a funeral home and my adult life which I have spent in Hollywood, California – hence the name, “Death To Hollywood”. Hopefully, you like to read those kinds of stories. If not, go read something serious and boring.....
This entry was posted in family, funeral home, funerals, weird and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Expanding Your Vocabulary

  1. barskii says:

    Soap in the mouth of a disrespectful foul mouthed Child who talked Geto and lived like the swine.

    My brother said doo doo, butt, shit – the little bratt got his mouth washed out with a bar of soap.

    There were only six kids in my family then, I left cussing out of my life untill I joined the Military, then one day, I was listening to a bunch of pretend to be bad asses talking – it is all just a bunch of Cheap GOD Hating Geto Talk – They had no respect for the people in hearing distance, or the People around them… It made me ashamed, that I myself had said those same words…..
    I changed my mind and my tounge, from foul to Respectable…. Life Changed, Friends Changed, Honor was Restored, Respect was restored, I still do not understand why anyone wants to be GETO, when they have so much to offer, while being True to themselves with the free things in Life such as Truth, Respect, Honor, Faith, Love, Friendship, loyality, and Freedom.
    ~ Blake ~

  2. Josephine says:

    You know I like to curse, Cee but I kept it clean around the kids, especially when they were little. I go for the F word too although I will change it up-effin’, freakin’, etc. Do you think it is a rule that the other words have all their g’s dropped?

    I figure, as long as I can turn it on and off and I don’t mindlessly use them in the wrong company, it is my effin’ business if I want to pepper up my speech with some people! So, there!

  3. The elder sister says:

    ” effin”, ” freakin”, ” flippin”, ” fricken” , it’s all the same, we all know what it means now, but it sure is ” freakin” hilarious when a kid uses it all wrong! And I did laugh when he said it but quickly recovered into the ” mom” mode!:)

  4. Kris says:

    I do love to curse….when the time is right:) remember when we were younger and mom let us have a ‘curse day”….. That was so effin cool!!! Thanks mom for making it ok to talk trashy for a day, although i think it inly lasted a couple of hours and mom had enough, because we were so rockin’ every curse word we could say!!!

  5. Mr Maryknoll says:

    That post was hysterical.
    I.can’t tell you what my favorite curse word is because your mother would stop speaking to me. Hmmm…maybe I should.

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