The other day I passed by the building where Capezio used to be in Hollywood, I also worked there for a couple of years. I can’t imagine anyone not knowing what Capezio is, but just in case, it’s a big dance wear company. A lot of celebrities used to come in there, but I’ll tell you about that another time. This particular incident happened shortly after I got hired.
It was a good job for me because having a dance background, I knew how to help people fit their shoes properly and talk shop about dance studios and other dance related topics. If you’re not familiar with the dance world, dancers are weirdos. I know, first hand :). Lots of eating disorders, competition and staring in the mirror at themselves and each other, but if you ever want to liven up a party, invite some dancers. As soon as good dance music is played, they get up and start moving. It’s habitual, and then before you know it, everyone else starts dancing, and the party gets started.
Anyway, when I first started working there I obviously didn’t know any of the actual store procedures so I couldn’t do much until I was trained. My boss, Maria (my favorite Cuban and one of my favorite bosses), was putting a lot of old merchandise on sale and did a typical type of Hollywood sidewalk sale. There were a few racks of clothes on the side of the building, so she had me sit outside and basically guard the racks from any Hollywood scumbags who might steal something…and there are plenty of those.
I would chat with the customers and just hang outside, on a chair, under a ledge. So a few days into my new job, I’m sitting there minding my own business and all of the sudden I felt a warm drop on my leg. My immediate thought was it was a rain drop but it didn’t look like it was about to rain. I no sooner processed that thought that a whole bunch of warm drops started hitting me. Warm drops on my arms, on my legs, in my hair, ON MY FACE!
I don’t know if it was one bird or a couple of them, but however many it was, all of them had diarrhea that day. Bird poop was everywhere. I’m still baffled by how much poop it was. Usually, when a bird poops on someone, it’s one drop (as far as I know). A seagull flew by me down the shore and pooped on my shoulder, but it was just one plop. Then again, he was flying. He could’ve pooped on a lot of other people on the beach. I know it was pigeons that pooped on me that day. I hate pigeons, they are the rats of birds.
I stood up and started to scream, not a blood-curdling scream, but a slightly panicked kind of scream. I walked into the store holding my arms out (that had poop all over them), and most likely with a look of terror on my face, and said to my boss, “I have to go home and shower.” At first, she had a shocked look on her face which quickly turned to laughter when she realized that a flock of birds just shit on me. Quite a few of the warm drops hit my head; I had to go home and wash my hair. Luckily, I only lived about a mile away. And I don’t see how a bird shitting on you is good luck, and if that was true, I would have A LOT of good luck, and I don’t. So there…it’s obviously another lie.
I haven’t been pooped on since…at least not by a bird.
However, life has pooped on me a few times since then, but life poops on everyone at some point. Sometimes it’s as if life has an explosive colon.
Whenever people say “If you were an animal, what kind would you want to be?,” people always say “a bird.” And it’s not just because they can fly, it’s because they can shit on people and then fly away…
Has a bird every pooped on you? Did it bring you good luck? When something great happened to you afterwards, did you say, “Wow, it must have been the bird shit!”
Have a beautiful day people!