A Personal Conflict

Let’s face it, we all have a reality TV show that we get sucked into. When I had cable, I rarely watched any reality TV, but right now I only have network TV which host shows like Survivor, American Idol and The Bachelor. I am not dedicated by any means, but I have been watching some of The Bachelor here and there and all I can say is; Wow, what a bunch of stupid, little, slutty weirdos!

Oh Ben....please love me.

Here is where I’m conflicted; I love it when they cry. And all of them cry at least a few times during the season because they are competing for a guy named Ben who looks like a monkey, and all of them fall in love with him within minutes, and go to all kinds of desperate measures to win his affection, and then cry for various reasons when something doesn’t go their way.  And when I say cry, I mean sob.  They all seem neurotic, needy and clingy and of course, crazy, which makes for great TV. And I can’t help myself, I love the meltdowns. I can’t get enough. The louder the sobs, the louder my laughter.

sobbing in the corner on national TV...love it.

Anyone have a banana?

The problem is that I don’t think Susan B. Anthony or Elizabeth Cady Stanton would approve of this show or of me watching it. These Bachelor broads are a detriment to all women, and in my opinion, setting back the women’s movement with their desperate behavior, so I think we should kill them.

Back when Susan B. and ECS ( my nicknames for them) were travelling around speaking out for women’s rights, women weren’t even allowed to get divorced or ride bikes. I would really like to know why they weren’t allowed to ride bikes…probably because the men didn’t want them escaping. Women were no more than slaves at the time, and their

Those Bachelor girls are such sluts!

husbands were legally allowed to beat them. I never think you should hit a woman, but if anyone should be smacked around, it’s the girls on The Bachelor. I’m not saying men should be allowed to hit them, I’m saying, I should be allowed to hit them.

How can they allow themselves to sob like that on national TV while saying, “I just want him to like me and I just want to make him happy.”

Then kill yourself….and make us all happy. In fact, a mass suicide is what I’m hoping for. I’ll make the Kool-aid.

Too harsh? I don’t think so. Broads like that are keeping women from taking over the world. Well, broads like that and those Middle Eastern broads that need a couple of power lesbians to start a revolution over there. ECS was married with seven kids, and I’m pretty sure that Susan B. was the power lesbian of that couple (judging from her looks) but they were definitely BFFs. Every straight woman could use a power lesbian at her side, and a good gay for hair and makeup,which clearly ECS and Susan B. were lacking.

Hi, I'm the first power lesbian

Apparently, ECS would write all the speeches and Susan B. would go and deliver them to the masses since she wasn’t suckling seven children from her lesbian breasts. By the way, ECS and I have the same birthday…and so does Charles Manson.

So why am I watching The Bachelor when it goes against all I believe in for the advancement of women as a gender?

Because it makes me laugh….but for all the wrong reasons.

And why is this post short and relatively meaningless? Two reasons; the first one is because after an extended break to work on this blog and lay on the couch, I started doing stand-up again because I missed the excited, nervous, borderline diarrhea feeling I get before I go on stage. And doing stand-up takes time and concentration, two things I have very little of.  The other reason is because planning how to kill my boss takes a lot of energy…so this week the blog had to take a back seat to my live performance and kill plan. I apologize for that readers, you know how much I love you…or do you?

I will be talking much more about my job in my live act, mostly because if I were to give too many details, the blog could end up in front of the wrong eyes, if you know what I mean.

But I’m so happy its Friday. I hope everyone has a fun-filled weekend ahead of them. I have to go hard boil some eggs now so I can stink up my apartment. Did you ever wonder why hard-boiled eggs smell bad? Did you ever consider its because eggs come out of a chicken’s anus? I considered that, even though I’m still not sure where they come from. Do chickens have vaginas? Have a great weekend.

(P.S. I just googled it.  Chickens do NOT have vaginas, they have a CLOACA, which is disturbing in its own way)


No vagina here....

About Death To Hollywood

My name is Celeste Donohue and I am a writer/comedian who started this blog to tell stories about my life growing up in a funeral home and my adult life which I have spent in Hollywood, California – hence the name, “Death To Hollywood”. Hopefully, you like to read those kinds of stories. If not, go read something serious and boring.....
This entry was posted in celebrities, family, Hollywood, weird and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

19 Responses to A Personal Conflict

  1. MBP says:

    Chickens? Hens? chicken penis? claoca? which came first?

  2. Kris says:

    Cee…. You are so funny and I am standing by your side:)…..love the stream of consciousness!!! I have been watching the Bachelor too for all of the wrong reasons….very pathetic women…agreed!

  3. barskii says:

    Wow regular TV ???
    That must be AMAZING !!!!!!!!!!
    I have a Radio and a Bose system with CDs & DVDs
    Who is the Ugly snoopy drunk or drugged up chick up north who sleeps with everybody or is that the same confused stupid show??? maybe her name is snookie???
    I had to trun the Sh*t off – –
    I didn’t know they had a show with low self estiem on TV???
    OH yeah, How depressed can I get and be rejected and cry –
    If I was the Monkey face dude I would just run !!!!!!! 🙂

  4. barskii says:

    OH sorry – – – I never seen the bachlor !!!

    heck I could look in the mirror for that – I am a psyhco magnet anyway !!
    They hunt me down to conquer or kill the good guy- , because they were done wrong by some azzhole in the past – – I had nothing to do with it ????
    that must be Crazy Love – – – RUN – – –
    Hey Celeste Your a Sweet Heart
    ” Happy VD day !!!!! ” oh that sounds bad ???? 🙂

    • Blake!! Yes, Snookie is the Jersey trash you speak of. I, too am a psycho magnet…I knew we had something in common. Happy VD day to you too in advance. You don’t hear about many people catching “VD” anymore 🙂 You’re a sweetheart too!!

      • barskii says:

        I forgot to put it in (VD) Valentines Day, I will blame it on recovery medications.

        I didn’t know what the name was to the show, but it looked like a drug rehab needy slut show with pricks on steroids playing macho – I feel sorry for the people in Jersey being portrayed as that bunch of crap. Good luck on your stand up gigg – make a million – I believe in Ya !!!!

  5. mdonohue says:

    Your article was a riot,and, I’ll never understand why women do what you said.I never watched the show and, now I never will.Would’t it be great if and when women could realize their own power.Maybe this article will help,because their are a lot of strong women out there.I personally know three,”cause I birthed them.Love,Mom

  6. Josephine says:

    OMG, Cee, I am crying from laughing.

    I have never watched The Bachelor, the ads are enough to make want to go blind and deaf but what I really, really want is to wake up some morning to the headline that they found the “bachelor” in pieces.

    Oh, they could do that with “The Survivor” too but they could also be “investigating mysterious marks that look like human tooth marks” for the ones killed there.

    Happy Friday and I am so glad you are going back to stand-up. The world needs all the laughter it can get!

  7. The elder sister says:

    The chicken fact was interesting! The bachelor chicks and t.v., not so interesting, but I too love a good train wreck. Toddlers and Tiaras! Love the gross stage moms living out their dreams on their weird HM kids!

  8. Natalie says:

    I laughed way too hard at this! Too funny!

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