Dinner Conversation

Family dinners!!

Did your parents talk about their job at the dinner table? It’s probably fairly common for families who eat together, although from what I hear, family meals aren’t that common any more. Check this out, statistics show that kids who eat dinner with their parents and siblings do better in school and are supposedly overall happier families. I heard that on Oprah too.  I miss Oprah, don’t you?

Miss me?

 

Our family dinner conversations were pretty lively considering we were often talking about dead bodies, but that could also be because we all talked at once. Sometimes my mom would talk about her job as a nurse in the emergency room, which was definitely lively and if nothing else, entertaining. My mom worked at Fitzgerald Mercy Hospital in Darby, PA (where all of us were born). Darby was a bit rough, which kept the doctors and nurses who worked in the emergency room pretty busy. My mom said the full moon really does have an effect on people because on every full moon there was a few extra stabbings, gun shots and what not.

I want to say that working in an emergency room is another job I would never want. I watched one eisode of ER when it was on and it stressed me out. I think it takes a particular kind of weirdo to want to work in such a high stress situation. If nothing else, the stress must partly come from the fact that no matter how busy it is, emergency rooms seem to only have one doctor on at a time. A couple months ago I took my friend to the emergency room because she was suffering from really bad stomach pains. We waited FOUR HOURS! I almost stabbed her myself just so we could see a doctor sooner. If you’re not bleeding, you’re not a priority. And we pay insurance for this?

Anyway, my mom really loved working in the emergency room and she said one reason was because it was always different. For example, one woman came in who had a broken rib, and she had to have a belt put around her ribs. The problem was she had really big, long boobs. My mom said they literally on her lap. My mom was a young nurse and wasn’t exactly sure what to say because she didn’t want to embarrass the lady, but she couldn’t get the belt on with her giant knockers in the way.

My mom went out and told the doctor the situation and he said to just kindly ask her to move her breasts. My mom went back in and said, “I need to put this belt around you, would you, uhhhh, could you, uhhhh,  please move your breasts?” The lady said, “Oh sure, no problem” and then proceeded to toss them over her shoulders! Can you believe that? Her nipples were hanging off her back! Her boobs were so big and long that they could hang down her back!  I’ve seen some big boobs but none that could be worn as a scarf. I wonder if she ever caught a nipple when she was buckling her belt?

Naturally, my mom was stunned! She couldn’t believe what she just witnessed, and she said the lady was real casual about it like it was something everyone did, she wasn’t even embarrassed. But wouldn’t that hurt? Maybe she got used to it because she did it a lot. Maybe on Halloween she would put her boobs in the back and pretend to be Linda Blair in The Exorcist. Remember how her head spun around? Boobs that big in the front would be scary, not to mention the back.

But my favorite story of when my mom was working in the emergency room was when a woman came in complaining of stomach pains. My mother started to ask her routine questions pertaining to various types of abdominal pain. This woman clearly was not the brightest light on the tree. One of the questions my mom asked her was, “Does it burn when you urinate?” The woman looked at her confused and said, “What?” My mom thought to rephrase it and said, “Does your urine burn?” And I swear to you the woman said, “I don’t know…I never lit it.”

How about that? It sounds like a Henny Youngman joke! My mom had to leave the room to keep from laughing in the woman’s face. Not that the woman would have even known what she was laughing at.

That would just make my night as a nurse. No stabbing or gunshot wound could possibly top that comment! Maybe if ER was funny like that, I would’ve watched it.

My dad’s stories usually involved various types of dead bodies which were always interesting or something that happened at a funeral, like when a man’s colostomy bag broke in the downstairs bathroom. Yeah, I know, it was gross. But of course, my dad also felt bad for him because the man was naturally embarrassed, unlike Giant Jugs in the emergency room.

What kind of dinner conversation did you have growing up? Did your parents have weird, gross jobs like mine, and did they talk about it during dinner?

I hope you’re having a great day and that your boobs never end up on your back…

I use a hammock for a bra!

 

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About Death To Hollywood

I am a writer/comedian that was kind of pressured into doing a blog. I didn't really know much about blogs which is why I resisted. But now that I have one, I still don't know much about them. I like to tell funny stories that are true. Hopefully, you like to read those kinds of stories. If not, go read something serious and boring.....
This entry was posted in catholic church, death, family, funeral home, funerals, weird and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

16 Responses to Dinner Conversation

  1. Josephine says:

    Yes, we did talk about business around the dinner table too. It was a family business, dry cleaning and both my parents worked in the store. They mostly talked about my uncle, my father’s brother, who was a real rock-grouchy and a giant pain in the ass. He wasn’t even allowed to talk to the customers. He got on my mother’s nerves constantly (not hard to do but for once she was in the right) so they could always talk about that.

    I admire your mother for being an ER nurse. Working in a hospital, delivering records to the ER, seeing everyone come and go was plenty for me.

    Although I guess boobs over the shoulders makes up for some of the grisly stuff!

  2. klpeach323 says:

    Our dinners consisted of pizza hut because my mom was usually to drunk to make anything. Our conversations usually revolved around the where-abouts of the parmesean cheese and crushed red pepper.

  3. klpeach323 says:

    *too drunk

  4. mdonohue says:

    Celeste,Where did you get that picture?That’s exactly what the boobs looked liked,and I’ not kidding.We almost always had good conversations at dinner,A lot of laughs and disagreements too,which made us all think.and I really miss that.Love,Mom

  5. Kris says:

    Cee…..I remember that story so well about the boobs….can you imagine 2 nipples over your shoulders looking backward? So weird and funny and mom being the professional nurse that she was, was very sensitive to the huge breasted woman! That was great dinner conversation:) and in the midst of it all “crazy Mike” would ring the doorbell and recite all of our license plate numbers……sounds to me like we grew up in – One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest-………great story!

  6. Christine says:

    I believe you are correct in saying that family dinners together aren’t a priority like in days past… That’s not so in our home. It’s something I look forward to every night — sitting around the table with ‘my peeps’ catching up on the day. Sunday dinner is even more important… Plus a few Sundays in the month, we have Dad, my Bro and his family out too. There may be a night here or there because of a sports function, that someone has to eat earlier — but it’s such a great time to connect, that I certainly would miss it if I didn’t make it ‘just something we do’. Your mom’s story is very funny – maybe a ‘guest blogger’ is in her future????
    Hugs,

  7. Maddie says:

    Hey Celeste, The picture of boob lady in this blog is amazing. I’ve opened the blog multiple times the past couple of days because I just can’t believe my eyes…..so funny. I love that ER story!

  8. Hi, Celeste, I become one of your avid followers, simply because your articles are downright interesting, one of which is the “Dinner Conversation.” Many, regardless of nationalities, can relate to what you had written about. I then am looking forward to reading more of your articles. 🙂

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