Extra Good Friday!

Now that the Samantha Prick, I mean Brick, buzz died down, I wanted to wish you an Extra Good Friday, even if you’re not Catholic.

I’ll be in church for three hours on my knees doing the Stations of the Cross!

You know I’m lying. I haven’t been to church in almost a year and that was only because of my dad’s funeral service, because before that, I think the last time I was in church was for my sister’s wedding  and she’s been married for about 10 years. That’s what Catholicism did to me; to this day I hate going to church. Now, maybe if I was Black and had grown up in one of those fun churches where they have bands and gospel singers wailing “Oh Happy Day,” then maybe things would be different, but being Black just wasn’t in the cards for me.

The other problem with church is paying attention to whatever the priest is saying. No can do! It’s much more fun to people watch than listen to a religious “authority” tell me something Bible related. I don’t even get the Bible. Nor do I get Shakespeare. Did you ever read the Book of Exodus? The whole thing is like a bad acid trip. Moses seeing God in a burning bush? Wandering around a place the size of New Jersey for 40 years? That’s a group of people on drugs.

Crossing the Red Sea?  My guess is that Moses was wasted, had a hallucination that God parted it, and then he and a bunch of other people crossed it and he just wrote it down. You know, Freud recorded a lot of his behavior while on cocaine, so maybe it was something like that, since they say that Moses was the author of Exodus (well, they used to say that anyway).

I think my favorite part of Exodus is how God wrote the Ten Commandments with his own finger. I realize they didn’t have ballpoint pens back then, but somehow God writing with his finger like a two year old, just doesn’t wash with me.

Anyway, how did I get off topic? This is about Good Friday and me having off from work….and about Jesus hanging on the cross for three hours. When we were little (on Good Friday), my mom would make us stay in the house between 12-3 and we couldn’t do anything. She wouldn’t let us watch TV or anything like that. And we had to be quiet, as if we weren’t already forced to do that enough thanks to the stinkin’ funerals. Three hours was like three weeks! It was such bullshit. This was after doing the Stations of the Cross every Friday during Lent. And this was all a build up to Easter…but at least there was candy and the Easter Bunny when Jesus came out of the grave, and there had to be some payoff after all that.

I was wondering what the Easter Bunny and eggs had to do with Jesus rising from the dead. It turns out that the bunny and eggs have Pagan roots. Way back in the 13th century in Germany, people worshipped some goddess of fertility and her symbol was the rabbit because of their fertility rate.

“Spring also symbolized new life and rebirth; eggs were an ancient symbol of fertility. According to History.com, Easter eggs represent Jesus’ resurrection. However, this association came much later when Roman Catholicism became the dominant religion in Germany in the 15th century and merged with already ingrained pagan beliefs.” – Discovery.com

So there it is. I hope everyone has a Happy Easter and all of you have a new bonnet with all the frills upon it to wear….

Mom and the girls on Easter. Kris had a bonnet... and judging from my cheeks, I had mouth surgery.

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About Death To Hollywood

I am a writer/comedian that was kind of pressured into doing a blog. I didn't really know much about blogs which is why I resisted. But now that I have one, I still don't know much about them. I like to tell funny stories that are true. Hopefully, you like to read those kinds of stories. If not, go read something serious and boring.....
This entry was posted in catholic church, death, family, funeral home, funerals, weird and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to Extra Good Friday!

  1. barskii says:

    GFTU

    “Good Friday to You”

  2. Cissie donohue alias Mom says:

    Celeste,think about the discipline you got from those three hours of quiet.It was out of respect for another dead person,Jesus.Now,you exercise your discipline by writing about living people ,Wonderful connections.You kids really look adorable and so sweet.Love,Mom

  3. Josephine says:

    Stations of the Cross, ditto. Sitting quietly, no, but we didn’t eat meat (but that was every Friday) and we really, really had to stick to our Lenten sacrifice on Good Friday. Then confession on Saturday and church on Sunday. I used to really hate going to church on holidays because all the “fake” Catholics would show up and if there weren’t enough seats, kids had to stand.

    I think that is also where I first started to hate people wearing fur because all the Easter Catholic women would show up wearing their biggest, fanciest furs before they put them away for the summer. I know that because my Dad would do a landmark business at the dry cleaning store taking in furs for the next two weeks.

    Enjoy your weekend and Happy Easter!

    • barskii says:

      Is There A Heaven??????

      Is there a GOD??????

      Was there a JESUS CHRIST Upon this EARTH??????

      Have a GOOD Friday – Enjoy only one of the 365 Days within this year with respect, Honor, & Love!!!

      Re-Afirmation…………………….. In the TRUTH

      Just a passing thought,

      from a Heaven Reject –
      ~ I died in 2004 ~

      Now, I am back or I am a second chancer ?????????????????

      ~ B ~

    • Yeah Jo, I guess your family business got to see all the furs and I love the “fake” Catholics. I forgot about confession…UGH! that was the worst. I always lied and then had to confess for lying 🙂

  4. Paul Kenney says:

    Good Friday. Good for us. Bad for Jesus. Oy Vey !!!

  5. John Donohue says:

    Good Friday= no meat, 3hrs. in church, fish for dinner from Bywood seafood, and one dead Jesus!! Why is it called “Good”? It should be called; “meatless hours of fishy Jesus!!!!” Praise the Lord!!!!

  6. The elder sister says:

    Oh yes Good Friday! In our house It was really Un-fun Friday! But Yay Jesus for everything he did, took a lot of courage to do all that! Happy Easter!

  7. Jimbo says:

    I don’t know what it is , but church makes me horney

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