So again, I was planning on a completely different story altogether but then Time magazine releases this cover and how can I not comment on this?

Let’s start with the simple questions: Were you breast fed, and were you old enough to remember suckling your mom’s teat? For chrissake, I hope not. Let me start by saying I have nothing against breast feeding, after all, that’s what are boobs are for. Well, that and getting men to pay attention to you….

Just kidding, you know that right? Susan B. Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton would bitch slap me for that.

I also have no problem with women breast feeding in public, provided they’re discreet about it, but being on the cover of Time magazine while your kid is looking right at the camera is not exactly what I call discretion. At least pull a Michael Jackson and put a decorative, costume party mask on him so he’s not immediately recognizable, and so that when he reaches school age, the other kids don’t point and say “Hey, that’s the kid that was on the cover of Time with his mom’s tit in his mouth.”  Good luck kid! Poor thing.

Look, we all know that men like to breast feed their whole life, but don’t you think they should take a break from it between say, the ages of 1 and 16? And when they pick it back up in their teens, hopefully it’s with another teenager and not their mom.

You know what else? I’m tired of the whole “super mom” attitude, as if being a mother is the most important thing in the world and that childbirth is a “miracle.” Just for the record, this is the definition of a miracle: “an effect or extraordinary event in the physical world that surpasses all known human or natural powers and is ascribed to a supernatural cause.”

Granted, pushing another human being out of your vagina is definitely not an easy task I’m sure, but it’s not a freakin’ miracle.

IF CHILDBIRTH WAS A MIRACLE, THE WORLD WOULDN’T BE OVERPOPULATED!  Get it? If childbirth was miraculous, I don’t think we’d need Plan B.

Anyway, I named this post “SUCK IT” and it just so happens to coincide with my last day at a job that I don’t like. I would love to yell “SUCK IT” as I walk out the door for the last time, but I’m afraid someone might take it literally and pull my shirt off and just start suckling.

Just one question; when this kid grows up, do you think he’ll be a boob or an ass man?

I have to go eat my cereal now….TODAY IS FREEDOM FRIDAY FOR ME!! Let’s celebrate and I hope you have a great weekend.

p.s. suck it! 🙂

About Death To Hollywood

My name is Celeste Donohue and I am a writer/comedian who started this blog to tell stories about my life growing up in a funeral home and my adult life which I have spent in Hollywood, California – hence the name, “Death To Hollywood”. Hopefully, you like to read those kinds of stories. If not, go read something serious and boring.....
This entry was posted in celebrities, family, Hollywood, weird and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

16 Responses to SUCK IT!

  1. Theresa Wellstein says:

    Lmao this is one of your best yet. The list is long of the people I’d like to tell to suck it.

  2. barskii says:

    I hope the door that closes full of bad memories is locked and forgotten soon – I also hope Life moves you into a Great Job with a big smily face and enjoyment full of complete happiness.

    Have a Wonderful Freedom Friday

  3. Josephine says:

    No way in a million years would I do this. I know there are times and places where this was the safest way to feed a child, even one as old as this but right now, right here doesn’t qualify.

    Besides, I am always suspicious of someone who dares other people to object to what they are doing in such an infantile display of defiance. And I ain’t talkin’ about the kid.

    Sorry/glad? about the job. Better days ahead!

  4. the elder sister says:

    I think TIME magazine is a left-wing rag and just looking to sell copies of it’s bathroom info. No intelligence required for that read! Those at TIME mag should all SUCKIT!!!!!

  5. barskii says:

    I thought it was just another article of another School Teacher in the life of the New & Improved public education system – Of Screw the Children – Most KIDS would be Bitch Slapped for doing that ??? Maybe she is a Pre School Teacher.

  6. Cissie donohue alias Mom says:

    Happy Mother’s Day to all mothers whether or not they breastfed their kids.It takes a long time to nurture a kid say twenty years or maybe all their lives.Breastfeeding is a small but important part.Celeste do you remember,that you were breast fed? Love,Mom

  7. Kris says:

    I don’t think we need to see ( on a cover of a magazine) something that has always been so private and should remain private. I am all about breastfeeding and nurturing your child, however, it doesn’t need to be displayed to the whole world!! Something strange about a kid on a stool, staring into the camera lens and breastfeeding, oh and on the cover of a hugely popular magazine!!!!
    Cee…..a much better job is coming your way! They will be sorry you left…….now go enjoy your freedom and they can SUCK IT!

  8. Paul Kenney says:

    Photo gave me the urge to suck my thumb.

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