My Response to Adam Carolla: Suck It and Shave Your Head!

Well now, you had to know I would respond to what Adam Carolla said even if you don’t know who Adam Carolla is. I know some of you do and some of you don’t (Hi Mom). When I read what he said, my initial response was, “I didn’t know he was such an idiot.” I always found him to be mildly funny, now all I can think about is his brillo pad hair and what a dumb ass he is. He basically said that women aren’t funny:

“They make you hire a certain number of chicks, and they’re always the least funny on the writing staff,” Carolla said of Hollywood. ‘The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor, I’m just gonna tell her, ‘Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they’ll have to hire you, they can’t really fire you, and you don’t have to produce that much. It’ll be awesome.'”

At least he’s not a sexist prick, right ladies?

I just hate blanket statements like this. It’s like saying that all men are stupid. Sure, it’s a stereotype but they’re not all stupid. I know some brilliant men, hilarious women, lazy Mexicans, non-musical Black people, smart Southerners, generous Jews, non-agressive Armenians, manly gay men, feminine gay women, good Asian drivers (okay, not this one)….but the list goes on and on of the non stereotypical kind of people I’ve met, so Adam Carolla is really just a dumb douche with ugly hair. See? I can’t stop thinking about his hair.

Would you like me to scour your dishes with my head?

We all know there are plenty of funny women out there.  Not only do I know lots of funny female comics, but all of my girl friends throughout my life have made me laugh, which is why we were/are still friends. Here’s the problem: society isn’t as comfortable with women being funny. In fact, Christopher Hitchens, who I’m on the fence about liking because I read one of his books entitled “God Is Not Great”, and I liked it, but then I read his article about how women aren’t funny and didn’t like him as much. He went on and on about how and why women aren’t funny, which is just stupid. But here is a part of his article that I actually agree with:

“Precisely because humor is a sign of intelligence (and many women believe, or were taught by their mothers, that they become threatening to men if they appear too bright), it could be that in some way men do not want women to be funny. They want them as an audience, not as rivals. And there is a huge, brimming reservoir of male unease, which it would be too easy for women to exploit. (Men can tell jokes about what happened to John Wayne Bobbitt, but they don’t want women doing so.) Men have prostate glands, hysterically enough, and these have a tendency to give out, along with their hearts and, it has to be said, their dicks. This is funny only in male company. For some reason, women do not find their own physical decay and absurdity to be so riotously amusing, which is why we admire Lucille Ball and Helen Fielding, who do see the funny side of it. But this is so rare as to be like Dr. Johnson’s comparison of a woman preaching to a dog walking on its hind legs: the surprise is that it is done at all.”

(By the way, I used to do a bit in my act about how women secretly high-fived each other when Loreena Bobbitt cut off his penis and threw it out the car window. C’mon, that’s funny. Plus, he deserved it! He was beating her and cheating on her.)

Society allows men to be funnier. Men are expected to be dirty and shocking, but women still aren’t expected to say dirty or shocking things, and the ones that have the ironic balls to do it, are some of the ones who rise to the top. And then others rise to the top because they sleep with the right people…and I admire them, because I apparently have slept with all the wrong people.

Never mind the fact that humor is subjective. Guys aren’t going to find jokes about PMS funny, but then again, women don’t find farting as funny as men do. Farting is mildly funny, just like Adam Carolla. Adam Carolla is nothing more than a fart.

And here is a man’s point of view on whether or not women or funny, and I happen to think HE is funny.

http://robdelaney.tumblr.com/post/25456678930/funny-women  (Damn! For some reason, I can’t make a link to this. If you want to read it (and you should), please copy and paste it into the address bar)

If you don’t think women are funny, then just know that you sicken me.

PEOPLE are funny!

Have a great day! 😀

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About Death To Hollywood

I am a writer/comedian that was kind of pressured into doing a blog. I didn't really know much about blogs which is why I resisted. But now that I have one, I still don't know much about them. I like to tell funny stories that are true. Hopefully, you like to read those kinds of stories. If not, go read something serious and boring.....
This entry was posted in celebrities, death, Hollywood, weird and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

20 Responses to My Response to Adam Carolla: Suck It and Shave Your Head!

  1. Brynne says:

    Phyllis Diller’s career is older than Adam Corolla, and so is Betty White’s. Tina Fey is funnier just standing there than he is doing stand-up. The only thing about Adam Carolla that’s funnier than women is the fact that he believes that he’s funny at all.

  2. lee peacher says:

    His hair truly is awful….perhaps more so then mine?

  3. Luke H says:

    This is my favorite submission by you so far. I pride myself on having on fart nor poop jokes. So far. Gals DO have it good in the sense that they have the OPTION to sleep to the top. That would be a fun and cool way to try, except for that I’m hetero. I think funny is funny, and I don’t know how you assert than men TEND to be funnier than women. If anything, I think women aren’t taken as seriously because of (as you mentioned) insecurity with a dash of sexism by men, generally speaking. Anyway, I loved this entry. XO

  4. The reason I can juggle my crazy life is b/c of my friends & our fantastic senses of humor…we are, by all accounts, ” the funniest people we know”. Have you seen the book “All My Friends are Dead”? Google – that’s my type of humor! Can be found at Urban Outfitters. (no endorsements implied, but it’s a cool store.)
    BTW, don’t even know who Carolla is…except an extinct car. He seems stupid enough to write for many of the sitcoms that are out there right now.

    • I’ll definitely look for that book, and believe me, he’s not worth knowing. He was recently on Celebrity Apprentice, so that gives you an idea of his level of celebrity importance. Loser :D!

  5. John Donohue says:

    Have you seen his teeth?

  6. Paul Kenney - Duke of Philadelphia says:

    I don’t know this fellow, but perhaps I can have a man to man chat with him. A chat where I can grab his small penis, stretch it, and wrap it around his jaw. Men like him give men like me a bad rap.

  7. Cissie donohue alias Mom says:

    I think there are many kinds of humor,and many ways to be humorous.I don’t think being male or female has anything to do with it.I do know for a fact,when you get male and female together,whether in person,or engaging both sides of our brains,you get magic,chemistry,humor,and understanding.Perhaps your subjec tdoesn’t know that.However,that is the connection it takes to be brilliant,no matter what your field of endeavor.Narrow minded people are just that,only one side of their brain is working.Maybe that’s a catagory he never condidered.I really liked the article,and I know,when my family gets together,male and female,it is a fun and uproarious time,Isn’t that creativity at work? It is always special.Love,Mom

  8. Cissie donohue alias Mom says:

    P.S.I am sorry I didn’t say onmy first comment,That this poor guy doesn’t know my daughter,or he would know better.Take that! Love,Mom

  9. Josephine says:

    I didn’t know he was such a douche either!

    And while it may certainly be true that women and men may find some things funnier than others by gender, to say women are not funny at all is just too, too stupid!

    How else would you write all these great posts!

  10. Rebecca says:

    What can I say, I lived this for almost 20 years as a sit com writer in that “Death to” place. I was run out of town on rail, given $50 bucks and a new suit when I was reaching 40, was too expensive to hire and I was still a freakin’ female. I did not go kicking and screaming, because kicking screws up a pedicure and screaming just makes you look crazy and aside from not being funny, men in hollywood also think women are all crazy. Maybe because they make us that way. Anyway, and here comes a self promotion, if you want more of this kind of story of women in Hollywood and the disaster it can be, please check out my kindle ebook “…and she was” by Arpy Beck (my groovy new nom de novel). It’s a cheap and fun read and now that I know there if a “Death to Hollywood” I’ll be checking it out regularly. Thanks, Rebecca

    • AND SHE WAS!!! I like it, Rebecca and I’ll definitely check it out. Clearly you’re a smart woman to know that kicking might mess up a pedicure and most men in Hollywood are as crazy as the women. I will pimp your book on FB too 😀

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