Friday at last!
I feel like it’s been so long since my last post. This time last week I was relaxing in Palm Springs, which was so much better than my real life. The entire weekend was a great experience from start to finish, even though I was surrounded by corporate people…not exactly my crowd. How do I know they’re not my crowd? Because I intentionally would say something a little daring to see their response and when I got blank stares, I quickly backed off. After all, I was there as my sister’s guest, so I didn’t want to embarrass her.
My sister is respected and well known at this company, which by the way, is the third largest food company in the US. This event was HUGE! There was around 700 people there which made it easy to wonder off and start talking to people on my own. Once they knew I was Kris’s sister they would say, “Ohhhh, what do YOU do?” Uh oh, here come the lies.
I don’t like saying I’m a comedian because inevitably people will say, “tell us a joke” or “what do you talk about on stage?” So annoying! So instead, I make things up. I told one group of people I was a veterinarian. That really impressed them and they told me how admirable it was. I said, “Thank you, I love what I do.” I told them I saved a little girl’s cat the week before and was all ready to tell this big lie when one of the women interrupted me and said, “Did you hear about the cat that went in for a flea bath and was euthanized instead?” I actually did hear about that story (thanks to the internet) and I said, “Yes I did, it’s a disgrace to our industry….excuse me, I have to go to the ladies room.”
I had to get out of there before they started asking challenging questions. I’m not that quick on my feet and I knew the lies would turn into unbelievable, ridiculous crap that no one would believe and then they’d tell my sister and she’d bust me. If someone said, “Kris, your sister told us she operated on a horse last week,” my sister wouldn’t go along with it, she’d say, “What?” and then she would laugh and tell them the truth. Well, I couldn’t have that!
I told another group of people I was a truck driver. They looked at each other with surprise and said, “Oh? What do you drive?” I don’t know why I said this but I said…”manure.”
There was literally bullshit coming out of my mouth.. They just looked at me for a second and I said, “I know A LOT of farmers….excuse me, I have to go to the ladies room.”
I probably wouldn’t have made up such outlandish lies if I wasn’t drinking but it was so hot and the alcohol was flowing so freely that my mouth followed suit. What can I say? Corporate people make me want to lie, and I knew I’d never see them again. Unless of course, my sister wins again next year and takes me with her and then I’ll have to prepare the lies before I go and that could get complicated. But I’d be happy to make up hundreds of lies to go on a vacation like that again!
Let me just brag about my sister for a second. This event was honoring the top 10% of sales people in this country. Again, this is the third largest food company in the US!! Do you know how big that is and how good you have to be to get in what they call the “Circle of Excellence?” Really big and really good!
This was one of the drunken pictures I took. If there is something I have zero talent for, it’s taking pictures. I’m the person who’s fingers get in the picture like some idiot from the 70’s and most of my pictures come out blurry. But every now and then I get a good one. Like this:
Anyway, no one could believe we were sisters, or that we really have the same parents, but I’ve questioned that for years myself. I should demand some DNA testing just to be sure.
Well, off to work, but next week I will start my Halloween Celestial Treats promotion. In the meantime, have an excellent weekend!