Phone School

Here we are again. It’s FRIDAY!! Yes!

It’s so sad when you have a day job, because you just live for Friday night so you can drink  and sleep in on Saturday, or is that just me? No, I’m pretty sure it’s everyone.  I told you my current day job is dealing with nursing homes, right? So I make a lot of outgoing calls to these places and if this job has taught me anything, it’s that I truly need to open a school to teach these little bitches how to answer and direct phone calls.


I look annoyed. I was probably talking to Time Warner

I have had many day jobs that required me to answer the phones. One place where I was a receptionist, I took up to 200 calls a day on average, and I don’t want to brag, but I am really good on the phones. Have I ever been rude? Sure, but it was only to people who were rude to me first. However, I am always polite when I call places and I cannot believe the lack of phone etiquette I am met with on a daily basis.

My facebook status update yesterday was as follows: “The world has more phones than ever before and yet phone etiquette and the ability to have a goddamn conversation over the phone has never been worse. You fuckers!”   Okay, “you fuckers” was directed at the people on the other end of the phone. I’ll be honest with you, even at the risk of sounding crazy. Sometimes if a receptionist is exceptionally rude to me, I’ll hang up, dial *67 and the number, and when she answers, I hang up on her (dialing *67 before the number blocks it from showing in case they have caller ID). I do it a few times to make sure I really annoy her because when you’re answering phones as a job, hang-ups are always annoying. It’s a small way for me to exact revenge for them being rude. Hey, someone has to teach them.


Part of the problem is that no one talks on the phone anymore. We’re too busy texting and emailing to pick up the phone and make a call. When we were growing up, (we being anyone over the age of whatever), we had no other way of communicating other than the phone or in person, so we didn’t grow up to be a bunch of socially awkward morons who can’t talk to each other. Young people today are a whole other story, which is why these little bitches deserve to be hung up on. And you would not believe how many places in California let people answer the phone who barely speak English!! It makes me crazy, and do you know what its’ like to try to tell an immigrant a name like “Celeste” when they ask who’s calling? Forget it, I’m changing my name to Maria.

I’ll give you an example of a time I was rude on the phone; it was a really busy day and the phones were ringing off the hook. Picture one of those places where the receptionist is working a crazy switchboard and says, “Thank you for calling, can you hold please? Thank you for calling, can you hold please? Thank you for, calling can you hold please? Thank you for holding, how can I help you? It was like that!  It got so busy that some of the other girls in the office started to answer the phones to help me out. Finally there were about 10 lines on hold and I just started to pick them up and said “Yes, are you holding for someone?” And this bitchy woman yells back “YEAH, AND I CAN’T HOLD ANYMORE!”  I was already irritated and did NOT need her attitude, so I simply said “Ok” and I hung up on her. Hey, she’s the one that said she couldn’t hold anymore. Of course, she called back and complained and I denied the whole thing 😀

It’s interesting that the smarter technology gets, the dumber humans get. I’m glad I grew up at a time where I had to talk on the phone, I had to go to the library to find things out, and I had to learn how to count change for my first job as a cashier. Can you imagine if these idiot checkers at Ralph’s (supermarket) had to figure out your change? All your frozen food would thaw out while you were in line.

It’s just a matter of time before I snap on one of these rude little bitches and tell them how to do their job, because I’m only gonna be able to take it for so long and then one of these days, one of them will be rude and I will be under hormonal duress, and then they’ll be sorry! They will get so many hang-ups in a row, they’ll want to quit their job. And if I can get one dumb, rude receptionist to quit their job, then as far as I’m concerned, I’ve done MY job!

Anyway, have a wonderful Friday and a wonderfuller weekend!  By the way, this is where I’ll be tonight!



About Death To Hollywood

My name is Celeste Donohue and I am a writer/comedian who started this blog to tell stories about my life growing up in a funeral home and my adult life which I have spent in Hollywood, California – hence the name, “Death To Hollywood”. Hopefully, you like to read those kinds of stories. If not, go read something serious and boring.....
This entry was posted in celebrities, death, family, funeral home, Hollywood, weird and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to Phone School

  1. Christine says:

    …and I remember that cashier’s job fondly!! — I was working our snack bar stand at the football field – and talking to the younger ones about how you count up to give change – the blank stares were just too much!

  2. mary donohue says:

    I can’t imagine you being impatient with a telephone person.It’s amazing’ how it’s a way to talk,but who is listening? .I’m glad you still know how to add,subtract etc.A lot of kids,today, might have a hard time dealing with life,without their SMART PHONE.Love,Cissie.P.S.I did order my Halloween candy.Thanks!

  3. Kevin T Quilter says:

    I love LA

    KT Quilter PSCOA Business Agent 610-633-1195

  4. Josephine says:

    Yes! Make them ALL quit! LOL

    And make sure when you open your phone school to tell people to identify themselves when they call people! God, I hate that.

    And I know exactly what you are talking about with the change too. Hell, don’t people at fast food places just have to click on a picture of a burger or something? Not even try to remember prices or anything?

    Sometimes texting and all that jazz reminds me of that old joke, “Hey, I know we’re lost, but we’re making good time!”

  5. Kris says:

    Hahaha….little bitches…love it!! The communication has changed so much….social behavior is unreal now… is amazing, although question it making the younger generation able to communicate and count and use their head:)

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