Thanksgiving – Give Thanks!

As we all know, tomorrow is Thanksgiving. I hope everyone has something fun planned. Although the day revolves around food, which I have absolutely no problem with, it’s also a day to remember what we’re thankful for. I like that part of the tradition – being grateful and shoving food in your mouth the whole time. What could be better?

 

Last night, I was thinking of all the things I’m thankful for. I wrote them down and I’m going to share them with you (possibly in this order, but maybe not).

 

1. Drugs and alcohol (for obvious reasons)

 

2. Soap, shampoo, deodorant, toothpaste and anything else that keeps you clean because dirty people smell and disgust me.

 

3. Food, of course (all of it…shoved in my mouth. I’m thankful)

 

4. TV because it informs me but more importantly, it distracts me from my life. 

 

5.  Netflix because I’m lazy

 

6. Homeless people because they do my recycling for me. I’m way too lazy to lug bottles and cans to a recycling center (especially the way I drink) 

 

7. Toaster ovens because I love toast and other food you can make in toaster ovens.

 

8. Toilets because I can’t imagine having to squat down over a hole in the ground outside where bugs could easily crawl up into your anus. 

9. Headphones because they cure my misophonia

 

10. Hair removal products including shaving cream, razors, tweezers, Nair, Veet, wax, laser removal and anything else that helps humans have less hair on their bodies. We do not need that much hair (head excluded).

 

 

 

 

 

I’m also thankful for many of the people in my life…not all of them, but definitely some of them…and I’m thankful to you for reading. I hope all of you have a great Thanksgiving and make a conscious effort to remember what you’re thankful for because it’s easy to spend a lot of time thinking about what you’re NOT thankful for. All it takes is one leaf blower….

xo

Celeste

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About Death To Hollywood

I am a writer/comedian that was kind of pressured into doing a blog. I didn't really know much about blogs which is why I resisted. But now that I have one, I still don't know much about them. I like to tell funny stories that are true. Hopefully, you like to read those kinds of stories. If not, go read something serious and boring.....
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13 Responses to Thanksgiving – Give Thanks!

  1. Josephine says:

    HAPPY THANKSGIVING CEE!

    Not only do you have the funniest list, you find the funniest photos! Back hair! Ewwwwww!

    As for leaf blowers, I could loan you my Corgi, Lucy. When the guy here comes along, she barks and barks until he stops and is then so proud of herself for chasing him away. Well maybe not as it is more noise but at least she makes me laugh.

    Have a great day and see you on the other side of Turkey Day!

  2. Kris says:

    Hahahaha…..back hair…ewwww!
    Love the thankful list, Cee!! How is the misophonia? get good headphones:)
    I am thankful for you, Cee…..for your sense of humor and being a wonderful sister for all of these years…..the list could go on, but we can talk about all the other things on the phone later:)
    I love you and enjoy your day of eating, drinking and being thankful!!!
    We certainly have a lot to be thankful for…..

  3. John Donohue says:

    Yay Food & Booze!!!! What’s misophonia again? When you can’t stand to hear people eat or something like that. Love you!!

  4. Jen says:

    I’m thankful for you, you crazy whore!

  5. mary donohue says:

    What a great list for Thanksgiving thoughts,thanks for reminding us.Most of all I am grateful for my family,and your humor,that brings smiles to us all.Happy Thanksgiving to you,my beautiful daughter,and all your readers.Love,Mom

  6. Roz says:

    I really enjoy your sense of humor, and look forward to reading your blogs. Hope you have an awesome Thanksgving

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