Going Hog Wild!!!

mondayThere’s nothing worse than waking up on a Monday knowing you have the whole week ahead of you, unless of course, you wake up to an email that makes you laugh and horrifies you at the same time. A while back I wrote about the man who worked with my dad for many years (Right Hand Man), and I’m happy to say that he reads my blog. Well, after reading last week’s blog about the themed funerals and the live pigs that attended, it obviously sparked a memory for him and he sent me the following story, which I have to share with you because it just reminds me of the many different types of people there are on earth, how different we are and how fun it is to judge them for doing things like this:

 “MANY YEARS AGO I WAS ON A FUNERAL FOR A SMALL CHILD, THE FAMILY WERE GYPSIES AND THE FUNERAL WAS HELD IN A TENT IN A TRAILER PARK DOWN IN TINICUM, DELAWARE COUNTY. IT WAS AUGUST, HOT AS HELL. DURING THE SERVICE I HAD NOTICED A SMALL PIG RUNNING AROUND NEAR THE TENT. WHEN THE SERVICE WAS OVER AND BEFORE WE HEADED FOR THE CEMETERY, A RELATIVE OF THE CHILD’S WENT OVER AND BOPPED THE PIG OVER THE HEAD WITH A HAMMER, THEN THEY BUTCHERED THE PIG RIGHT THERE. IT TURNED OUT THAT WAS PART OF THE FUNERAL FEAST. WASN’T WHAT I WAS EXPECTING. I ACTUALLY HAD GONE OVER AND PETTED THE PIG, THINKING IT MIGHT BE SOMEONES PET. JUST TO MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT… THERE ARE PIGS ON FUNERALS.”

babe

Hi, I’m here for the funeral service…

First of all…WOW! I’m not sure I would be able to hide my horror at a pig being slaughtered right in front of me during a funeral but I guess that’s part of the professionalism of a funeral director, being able to act as though killing a pig at a funeral is no big deal.

I absolutely love pork in all forms; bacon, ham, pork loin, pork roll, even hot dogs which are rumored to be made out of the lips and assholes, but if I actually saw the pig killed right in front of me, I’m pretty sure my feelings would change about eating my beloved pig meat. I’m baffled by people/cultures that can kill and eat their meat shortly after seeing it walking around. Doesn’t that seem a little less civilized to you, or am I just being judgmental? Either way, it’s so “third world.”

globesLet’s move on to the Golden Globes. I don’t have too much to say other than Hugh Jackman should feel lucky there are two categories for Best Actor because he doesn’t stand a  chance against Daniel Day Lewis, who I predicted to win the Oscar when I left the theater after seeing Lincoln. I heard Anne Hathaway was really great in Les Miserable, but she really annoys me and that short hair isn’t helping. I don’t know what it is about her that makes me want to lock her in a tanning booth and throw away the key. I loved Tina Fey and Amy Poehler and think they should host all the award shows from now on. I was happy Argo won because I thought it was a great movie and it made me like Ben Affleck for the first time in his career. I almost forgot to mention Jodie Foster coming out of the closet…all I can say about that is, good for her and it’s about time.

Anyway, I have to go because ironically enough, I have some bacon on the stove that I have to tend to.  I hope you have a have a wonderful Monday and I would like to thank Mr. John Fatz for sharing that delightful story. Let’s hear it for pigs…the other white meat! pork

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About Death To Hollywood

I am a writer/comedian that was kind of pressured into doing a blog. I didn't really know much about blogs which is why I resisted. But now that I have one, I still don't know much about them. I like to tell funny stories that are true. Hopefully, you like to read those kinds of stories. If not, go read something serious and boring.....
This entry was posted in celebrities, death, family, funeral home, funerals, Hollywood, weird and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Going Hog Wild!!!

  1. Lacy says:

    Hi Celeste, are you in the Philippines or did someone hack your email address? Lacy

  2. Brynne says:

    I have to say that I grew up in farm country and have actually named and played with beef before eating it.

    I think it’s different when you know going into the relationship that one of you is eventually going to be wearing Bearnaise sauce and a nice sprig of parsley …

  3. John Donohue says:

    Mmmmm….Bacon!!

  4. Kris says:

    Here little piggy!!!
    Cultures are very interesting…..great story Mr. Fatz! You sure have seen some crazy things.
    Anne Hathaway bugs me too, but was great in Les Mis….Hugh was great too!
    Way to go Jodie:)

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