The Bachelor, the Pope and Bloody Facials!

Good morning readers!  The Bachelor is over and I think we can all breathe a sigh of relief that he picked the girl with the least amount of “baby” in her voice. I admit I didn’t watch the show, I just got on the internet so I wouldn’t have to sit through a couple of hours of trash TV to find out which little slut he picked. There were rumors circling that he was a virgin, which is funny to me because I didn’t know there were any left in the world except for Tim Tebow. Remember him? That football player who would get down and pray or whatever the hell he was doing when something would go right for the team. I guess the “penetration” in football was enough for him. I don’t really know what penetration is in football, I just hear the announcers say it.  But all kidding aside, someone needs to make a man out of them soon. The world doesn’t need any old virgins. 😀

Okay, now look at this….

pope hats

My question is; how can anyone possibly take these guys seriously when they’re wearing those silly hats? It looks like they have a fancy, starched dinner napkin on their heads. Of course, as I’ve told you before, the Catholic Church is not above making you put tissues, napkins, or whatever on your head. I told you how those bitch nuns would make us bobby-pin a tissue to our head in church if we didn’t have our veil. Can you believe that? Do you really think God would not want us in church unless we have, at the very least, a tissue on our head? Is God an idiot?

Here was the headline today:

“Cardinals head to conclave to elect pope for troubled Church”

“Troubled”?? LOL! That’s an understatement. But this was my favorite part of the article:

“As in medieval times, the cardinals will be banned from communicating with the outside world. The Vatican has taken high-tech measures to ensure secrecy in the 21st century, including electronic jamming devices to prevent eavesdropping.”  Medieval and high-tech at the same time, but really, medieval being a lot closer to what it really is. What a bunch of fuckers! 😀

I could go on and on about this, and I will tell you soon about the time my parents dragged us to the Eucharistic Congress, whatever the hell that is, in 1976! The Bicentennial combined with a US Papal visit?? Patriotic Catholics almost shit themselves they were so excited!

Now look at this….

kimUnfortunately, this was NOT caused by a gunshot!!

This is something dumb-dumb, Kim Kardashian does to stay youthful (besides her baby voice). Dr. Jeffrey Spiegel, a board certified plastic surgeon practicing in Boston describes the procedure… “What you do is you take out from a person’s arm about two teaspoons full of blood – a standard blood draw, like you would get when you go to the doctor — and add some chemicals, spin it down, and separate it a certain way, and you end up with some fluid that can be injected into the face,” Spielgel explains. “It’s similar to — if you ever scraped your knee, that kind of yellowy stuff that you see oozing out of you – it’s like that. So then you inject this back in into the area where there are wrinkles. The thought is that the natural body products that you inject in are going to stimulate your body to produce more collagen, provide some volume in itself, perhaps it contains stem cells that are gonna help – the goal is to get a much better appearance using your own body’s blood.”

Uhhh… I have so many things to say about her that I can only sum it up by saying that she is everything that’s wrong with the world.

I would love to keep trashing the Catholic priests and Kim Kardashian, but I have bacon to tend to, so I have to go now….but have a nice day and think of  me next time you put a tissue on your head.

 

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About Death To Hollywood

I am a writer/comedian that was kind of pressured into doing a blog. I didn't really know much about blogs which is why I resisted. But now that I have one, I still don't know much about them. I like to tell funny stories that are true. Hopefully, you like to read those kinds of stories. If not, go read something serious and boring.....
This entry was posted in catholic church, celebrities, death, family, funeral home, funerals, Hollywood, weird and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to The Bachelor, the Pope and Bloody Facials!

  1. barskii says:

    Never thought of tissue on the head?

    Where I come from we just wipe the lower end – all sounds like a bunch of crap anyway.

    *~ Blake Rye ~*

  2. mary donohue says:

    The Black smoke came out.Perhaps a smoke signal,from something,written,that no one can see.Tradition? Mom

  3. barskii says:

    I didn’t see the movie or whatever it was = turned the HDTV off back in November.
    was it important?
    was it kind?
    was it necessary?
    was it even TRUE?

    • you’re better off without TV 🙂

      • barskii says:

        Now I have a smart phone, which I cannot see the little writing on the little screen, I might be agreeing to all kinds of ??? well, I better not say!
        Hello “C” they haven’t killed me yet? (The Doctors or pharmacy gave me wrong MEDs months back) they may be in a conspiracy to get me off of this planet.
        Oh yeah – TV just sux –

  4. Kris says:

    Waiting impatiently for the white smoke to come out, like medieval times:) Smoke signals? Are the cardinals Native Americans? So CREEPY…..
    My nails were chewed down to my elbows anticipating the finale of the bachelor….lol… Maybe they’re both virgins…..wouldn’t that be weird?
    A bloody faced Kimye…….hahahahaha……..what will the new baby think of it’s bloody faced MOMMY???

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