HAPPY JULY 4TH READERS!!! It’s been almost a month since I’ve written anything and there are a couple of reasons for that. First, I wasn’t feeling terribly inspired to write about anything, and secondly, a long time friend of mine moved here recently and is forcing me to have a social life again. So I’m not just sitting around anymore thinking of what to write for you. I’m out drinking, mixing it up, partying…you know, choppin’ it up with the honeys!
But I also decided to write today because July 4th or Independence Day, as some like to call it, is one of my favorite holidays. Why? Because first of all, it’s not religious so you’re not likely to offend anyone or have to go to church. Not that going to church has been on my agenda in the last 25 years, but a lot of these stinkin’ holidays involve God or the “baby Jesus” or adult Jesus or whatever. And there’s no pressure to buy presents for anyone, there’s no pressure on what to wear, such as a costume. There’s nothing to feel guilty about like the American Indians, etc. It’s just a nice holiday where people drink and have bbq’s and we just celebrate getting our independence from those snotty Brits and going on to become the most powerful, arrogant, imperialistic country in the world!
But no matter how arrogant, ignorant, racist, homophobic, or sexist this country is, I wouldn’t want to live anywhere else in the world. It’s a great country, and we have the immigrants to prove it. Am I right? Why would all those people want to come here and not bother to learn the language unless it was really great? You don’t see a bunch of Americans running off to live in…you know…other places! We stay here for so many reasons…such as:
1. Las Vegas (because you can drink on the street, prostitution is legal, and you can throw money away and consider it fun)
2. New York (because it’s better than every other city in the world)
3. Los Angeles (because Americans love to be entertained)
4. Philadelphia (because that’s where the history is)
5. Because we are able to consume things in our food that are banned in other countries
6. Because we have enough crazy people to fill up hundreds of reality TV shows and they’re all willing to make fools of themselves while we watch!
7. Because we have enough money to pay athletes and mediocre entertainers millions and millions of undeserving dollars.
8. Because we have CHRISTIAN MINGLE .COM where you can find God’s match for you…..LOL!!!
9. BECAUSE WE HAVE THE MOST FOOD!!! (albeit chemically engineered and processed)
10. Because we have a black president! Holla!
And those are just some of the reasons why we love America!
HAVE A HAPPY AND SAVE FOURTH OF JULY!!! (that’s me on the left in case you couldn’t tell)