Black Friday Shopping

I just got finished watching a video compilation of people fist fighting and trampling each other at various stores today while taking advantage of the Black Friday deals. I see that as a good opportunity to let all those crazy people in and then lock the doors so they can’t get back out into the world.  We could let them “take care” of each other and naturally thin the herd for us.  Just a thought.

Here is another thought. If you’re going to go shopping, consider the Best Kind of Shopping.  I made a video about it here.

I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving and if you’re out shopping today, please try to avoid punching anyone.



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Happy Thanksgiving…

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL OF YOU! Here is my list of things to be thankful for, which you can watch:  List of things to be thankful for

I hope all of you have a wonderful day and try not to eat until you feel sick – like I usually do on Thanksgiving.

Have a great day!

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Death To Hollywood on YouTube

Hello Readers!

It’s been awhile since I wrote and maybe you’ve noticed a pattern – that I hardly write anymore. I’ve been busy with other projects but started to get the urge to perform again, however, my lifestyle these days just doesn’t accommodate the frequent, late nights of stand-up comedy. So I decided to take my urges to YouTube and start my own channel.  As loyal readers, I hope you will become loyal subscribers to my channel so you can watch me attempt to entertain you. Please note, I am not a millennial – this is a new platform for me so try and hang in there while I struggle with the technology to provide you with better mediocre entertainment 😀

If you click here: YouTube  – you will get to my channel.  I will post my videos here (on the blog) but if you subscribe to my channel you will get notified when I post new videos. I hope everyone is doing well and I wish you all a very Happy Thanksgiving in advance. I will be doing a video list of things I’m thankful for (like french fries) and posting it on Thanksgiving.  Until then….enjoy the short work week!


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The Victims of Charlottesville – those poor white men (with small penises)!

Now that we’ve reached a new level of horror since Trump took office, I decided to write my observations. I’ve been reading and watching a lot about the Charlottesville incidents and this is what I’ve concluded:Image result for charlottesville

These “white nationalists”, “neo-nazis”, “kkk”, however and whatever we want to identify them as is one thing, but how and what we should truly identify them as is “very insecure white men” (and some very dumb white women).  Watching some of these “men” on video (like the one shown crying here) just screams fear and insecurity. They so deeply believe that they are threatened that it’s almost laughable, except for that fact that they’re violent, and that’s not laughable. But fighting violence with violence is not the answer.

Having dated a slew of insecure men, I can tell you this; the more insecure they are, the tougher they act (Hello Trump!). Men that are actually tough don’t have to show it.  Watching these men marching down the street with that wacked-out look in their eyes (which is fear) and their chests all puffed out just tells you how scared they are of what deep down is at their core – inferiority.  The kind of men that freak out if a white woman dates a black man because they’re so scared that the black man’s penis is bigger. Not kidding, this is real. The kind of men that would freak out just because I said that. ( I would put money on the fact that none of those guys are above 4 inches).  They are ignorant people that are afraid of the truth and cling to their beliefs out of insecurity. And they are threatened by everyone they try to oppress; Black people, Jews, immigrants and women.

The question I am curious about is what are they so threatened by? White men are at the top of the food chain, what could possibly be so threatening to them? It’s ridiculous. That’s why they are so weak! As they chanted “Jews will not replace us”, all I could think was, what the hell are they talking about? Are Jews on some secret mission to replace a bunch of ignorant Wasps at their jobs at the hot dog restaurant?  Let them be a minority or a woman for a month and they’d probably kill themselves. White men in America are the most privileged people world-wide…YOU BUNCH OF CRY BABIES! Instead of torches they should carry rattles and put pacifiers in their dirty mouths.

Please note – I do not mean all white men. There are so many good ones – I know that and you know that (and some of them have big penises). 

I’m talking about the ones that “follow the leader” and by leader I mean people like Trump and Hitler. Both of them are and were extremely insecure, ego-driven idiots, so you can only surmise that their followers are insecure, ego-driven idiots too. Look no further than the pictures of Charlottesville – it’s in their eyes.

I mean, to think that this all started over a statue?? Get a grip losers! And by the way, here’s what Robert E. Lee thought of statues: Here

If I had it my way, we would just ignore them completely. Let them march and cry and everyone just acts like they aren’t even there. That would be fun to watch them get pissed that no one took them seriously. Of course, we can’t because they have guns and truly want to be violent – one more reason for stricter gun laws, but that’s a whole other topic. So, since we can’t just ignore them, we have to beat them. How do we beat them? By speaking up against it and by spreading love and unity everywhere we can. We can’t allow this to continue. The US has become a laughing stock around the world because of Trump and his followers. I’m heading to Europe next month and have every intention of saying I’m Canadian and to really sell it, I’ll be saying “sorry” and “about” like “sorey” and “aboat”.  Then they’ll never know :). I’m just too ashamed right now to say I’m an American.

And I’m not about to go off on a Trump rant because that is and has been totally covered by so many other people, which I appreciate, but I do want to address that if you are not a millionaire and you voted for him and really believed he was looking out for anyone other than his fellow top 1% -ers, you need to read some more. You need more education and you need to turn off Fox News.

So in summary – we need to see them for what they really are – insecure, weak people. Once you see someone’s weakness, they are exposed. Look at them objectively and suddenly you can see them for the joke that they are (like Trump). We shouldn’t fear them, we just need to overcome them. And white people need to know that we have no ownership in this country, and if you think we do, read the book “White Trash” by Nancy Isenberg – you might just see yourself in it.

Or just read something….anything! (except for Mein Kampf – I think we got it).

Have a great day. ONE LOVE!


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I Feel the Bern!

Remember when I used to write a blog? I’ve been too busy lately, but sometimes I feel compelled…

From the beginning of this circus of an election, I have been a Bernie Sanders supporter. Whether you were for him or not, you had to respect him, if for no other reason than the fact that he was willing to speak the truth about what is seriously wrong in our country. Even the Republicans said he is honest, and they’re not even sure what honesty is. But now that he conceded to his stolen election and is behind Hillary, this is how I feel regarding voting in November:

If Bernie is a big enough person to get behind Hillary after what was done to him (and made known thanks to the Russians LOL), along with the Obamas (who I love) and Elizabeth Warren, I feel that it’s the right thing to do for the country. Bernie is not stupid, he’s been in politics for many years and knows it’s dirty. I understand resisting voting for Hillary, but we are living in historical times right now and I do not want to be on the side that voted for Hitler….oops, I meant Trump. And whether you like it or not, if you vote independently, it won’t help anyone. This isn’t the election to vote on your own personal principles. As Noam Chomsky said, “Hold your nose and vote Democrat.” There’s too much at stake…and I don’t think the “Great Wall of China” is going to be built. Have you heard Donald Trump say “China”? It’s hilarious.

Here it is:


Here’s the most important thing for me; Last night during Obama’s speech at the DNC (who I now refer to as Dirty Nasty C…Ts), he recognized that the Sanders supporters were the ones who have brought real change to this election, therefore changing the platform of the Democratic Party. WE made a difference!  Not Hillary’s supporters, not Trump’s supporters, BERNIE’S supporters! I am proud of that. He started a revolution and we made history people! That’s exciting. I can totally tell my grandkids if I ever adopt a kid and they grow up and have a kid…which most likely won’t happen, but I can tell the people in my retirement home! The one fully equipped with golf carts, spas and illegal immigrant workers.

By the way, I’ve always felt that Bernie’s struggle first started when he claimed himself a Democratic socialist. As soon as the capitalism-loving Americans heard the word “socialist,” they put their hands over their ears and stopped listening to anything he said. I believe if he didn’t say that, he would be wiping the floors with Donald Trump’s wig right now.  It’s sad and disheartening when people don’t educate themselves. But let’s not get started on education…that’s a whole other problem.

Thank you to Bernie and all my fellow Bernie supporters. We know we were right and we made a difference! 🙂

#unity #America #feelthebern


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Joan and My Anniversary

Yesterday was the anniversary of my arrival in Los Angeles 25 years ago!  And on my anniversary, I had the pleasure of meeting Joan, a 91 year old woman who lives in the building next to me. (If you’re on Facebook, you may have already heard the short version of this story, this is the extended version). As I was walking back from Rite Aid where I was questioning how you can spend so much money on so little, I saw Joan, who asked me if I was crossing the street towards Baskin Robins. I said yes and asked her if she needed some help because although she seemed fine, she also looked like she was just struggling a little bit, and the light at that intersection is so short, so I can see where it would be a concern for an older person.

She said yes, followed by “I’m Joan”.  I said, “Hi Joan, I’m Celeste”.  She said, “Phyllis?”, I said, “Celeste” (slightly louder). She said, “what is it?”,  I said, “CELESTE”. She said, “Oh, Celeste, that’s a pretty name”.  Keep in mind, this happens on a regular basis with old people and foreigners.  My name is way too hard for anyone who might be hard of hearing or from another country. That’s why whenever I order anything where I have to give my name, I just say “Mary”.  It saves us all a lot of aggravation.

Joan told me how to put my arm so that she could hold onto it and she put her cane in her other hand. As we waited for the light to change I asked her where she was from and she told me Chicago. I told her I liked Chicago and she asked me where I was from.  I told her Philadelphia and she said she had never been to my “fair city”, which I thought was cute. The light changed and we started across the street and we were going so slow that I started getting nervous knowing the light was going to change. These are the moments that make me love and respect old people. If I was getting nervous knowing that I was just helping an old person, but recognizing all the cars on either side of us impatiently waiting to get through the light, imagine being old and doing it by yourself. I think it takes real courage to live life as an old person. Just crossing the street or driving a car, especially in Los Angeles! When I see an old person behind the wheel in this city, I think to myself, “that takes real guts” and then I quickly speed around them :).

By the way, it was rush hour and cars were backed up on both sides and yet, no one honked their horn at Joan and me.

As we continued up the street, Joan told me she lived in the building for 20 years and used to live on Wilshire Boulevard until they sold the building. She went on telling me about the outrageous rent and taxes in this city and how we all need to pay taxes but that it’s just gotten ridiculous! Naturally, I agreed. When we got to her building, she asked if she could switch sides with me so that she could position herself to get up the two steps to the front door, and she had her keys on a little rope around her neck where she fumbled for a minute to find it. I was watching her and picturing myself as an old lady someday fumbling for my keys. This is why we need to treat old people like the gold that they are, because we are all headed there someday and not all of us will make it to be 91.  So be nice to old people and help them any chance you get. They deserve it, they are warriors!  She asked me if she could give me some “change” for helping her. Isn’t that sweet? I said, “How much you got, Joan?”  Just kidding. My dad told me never to take money for doing someone a favor. That was my good deed for the day and I felt really happy helping Joan.

As far as my anniversary in Los Angeles, it has been quite a ride! I have seen and done so many things that I wouldn’t have gotten to see or do if I didn’t live here. I’ve struggled on every human level possible and found out that I am a survivor. I don’t struggle like I used to in any way, but I’m glad I did because it teaches you things. Being broke teaches you humility and compassion. Being rejected and disappointed teaches you strength, and it also teaches you just how bad you want something. Being negative just creates more negativity in your life and being positive creates more positivity in your life. Go figure!

I learned that all people are fucked up on some level, just maybe on a different level, so cut them some slack. I learned that no one really knows what they’re doing (especially people who are making decisions about what movies get made), and I learned that diversity has a very positive and negative side depending on my mood and the noise level :).

I like living in Los Angeles and who knows if I’ll end up like Joan, still living in Hollywood at 91. Okay, I don’t think so. I don’t plan on living until 91 and I definitely don’t want to be in Hollywood when I’m old. I want to be in an expensive assisted living community somewhere near the ocean where I can eat my dinner at 4pm, be drunk by 6pm and passed out by 8pm.  Actually, when I’m old, I’ll probably be drunk by noon, nap at 2, start drinking again at 4pm, dinner at 6…..and I’m practicing that now on weekends just to see how it feels. So far, so good!

By the way, it’s about high time that the Supreme Court gave gay people the right to get married. Congrats gay people! Notice the title of my post, it sounds like Joan and I are celebrating our gay anniversary.

Thanks for reading and have a great day!

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My Great Idea

In light of recent events involving domestic violence within the NFL and Bill Cosby raping people (yes, in case you didn’t know, he’s a disgusting rapist) read here:

I came up with what I think is a pretty good solution. What if part of school curriculum for girls involved a self-defense class. Just like every day kids have to study math, English, social studies, etc., a required part of girls schooling was self-defense. Not once a week, not like a gym class, a real class where girls LEARNED EVERY DAY how to defend themselves from the time they start school. I’ll tell you that I think it would change the world!  Meanwhile, the boys would be required to take some type of class where they learn to respect people and that problems are not solved with violence etc.

I brought this up to a group of well-educated people, and also some friends, and I must say, it was a very well-received idea, aside from one idiot who said, “It wouldn’t work because it has to start at home.” Really? So if you’re not learning math and English at home, you leave school without knowing how to do math? What a moron!

Anyway, I realize that this would have to be implemented on a federal level for it to work across the country, let alone the world (that’s a whole other problem), but imagine what a different world we would be living in if from the time kids were little, boys knew that a girl would not only be able to defend herself from an attack but possibly kick his ass too! Wouldn’t that be great?

I realize that it would have to start locally before it would sweep the nation, like I imagine it could, but I just wanted to put the idea out there so that when I run for office, you’ll know what will be on my agenda :).

I’m really just sick and tired of hearing all these horrible, disgusting stories of men beating and raping women and kids! Who do they think they are? And then they are defended and often go unpunished. IT’S DISGUSTING! Until men start stepping up and kicking the crap out of these cowardly-piece-of-shit-bullies, this will be my dream solution to change the world for the better!

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Joan Rivers – A Shining Star!

Hi!  Remember me? I used to write a blog called “Death To Hollywood” and then I got busy or lazy or something and haven’t written in a long time. However, Joan Rivers death inspired me to write again because I have, what I think, is a really cool story about her.
When I started doing stand-up, I read a lot of books having to do with comedy. Whether it was books about stand-up or comedians autobiographies, I read anything and everything that I thought would help me be good at it. One of the books I got was Joan Rivers, “Enter Talking” and read almost the entire thing on a flight from the East Coast to the West Coast. I could not put it down…and it’s a really long book by the way, close to 400 pages.enter
Whether or not you are into comedy or even whether or not you’re even a fan of Joan Rivers, I highly recommend this book. Not only is it entertaining, but her absolute refusal to give up until she became successful in the entertainment business was absolutely inspirational to me. I started doing stand up pretty late compared to when most people start doing it,  and although I had a lot of performing experience prior to that, I started doing stand up just because I like live performance, and had no idea how different (and hard) it was going to be compared to all the other performing I did. I thought of throwing in the towel many times, but after I read that book, I was so moved by her persistence and determination, I thought, “Well then, you just keep going until you get what you want.” But more than that, I was so moved by her honesty and how hard she worked, not to mention the guts she had for pursuing stand-up comedy at a time when it was more of a boys club than it ever has been since she arrived on the scene, that I decided to write to her.
I gushed so much to her in this letter telling her how much I admired her and what an absolute pioneer she was for women in comedy and blah blah blah…I went on and on!  Since I didn’t know where she lived and couldn’t hand-deliver the letter to her (or stalk her), I looked up her management company and mailed the letter to them, never expecting to hear anything, especially since I didn’t know if she would even get it. But I didn’t care because I had to at least attempt to tell her how this book changed my whole outlook on the entertainment business and the determination that is necessary to succeed.
About 2 months later, I received a package in the mail. I LOVE getting packages in the mail, I mean, who doesn’t? But this was an especially special package because in this package was a book. The late, great Joan Rivers sent me an autographed copy of her second book, Still Talking, with a hand-written note recognizing my gushing letter and addressing me by name. Now, in my opinion, that’s a classy lady! Maybe you wouldn’t think that from listening to her act, but to take a few minutes out of her day to respond to one of millions of fans who gushed like a 13 year old girl meeting that douchebag, Justin Bieber, meant the world to me! I just think that’s a real star, and that was all she ever wanted to be according to her book,  a “star”. notestill
I want to thank Joan Rivers for being the inspiration she has been to so many comics, especially female comics. She was a one-of-a-kind, a true pioneer, a ballsy broad, and I’m grateful for the books she wrote that helped me to keep on keepin’ on!  Her star will continue to shine on!
 Thanks Joan!  🙂
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oscrHello Hollywood Players!

Today is the big day and I will announce the winner shortly. By the way, my sister keeps trying to convince me to make her the winner and I had to remind her that the winner is chosen at random, not by who is in closest proximity to me!

Yesterday, during the “storm”, and by storm I mean a rainy day in any other part of the country, my sister and I went down to Hollywood Boulevard because she was all caught up in the excitement of the Oscars, so we took a couple of pictures for you…..

os el

Notice that Oscar is all wrapped up for the storm...

Notice that Oscar is all wrapped up for the storm…


Before I announce the winner, I want to thank you all again for playing along and making this awards season, the most exciting ever!




Now what is the Oscar prize that Susie is sure to enjoy??



And the Oscar for Best Contestant goes to Susie!

And the Oscar for Best Contestant goes to Susie!







Congratulations to Susie on being this year’s DEATH TO HOLLYWOOD Oscar Giveaway winner!  We will be waiting for your acceptance speech in the comment section. I hope everyone had a good time playing along and hope you will all be watching the show later. I will post some pictures of me and my sister on the red carpet 😀






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Last Chance To Enter the Oscar Giveaway!

oscrHappy Saturday everyone! Tomorrow is the big day so I hope everyone is prepared with their hair and makeup people to look their best while watching the show!

The winner will be announced tomorrow along with the prize pack so get excited now! This has been a fun contest because there are so many different predictions, except for maybe Cate Blanchett for Best Actress, that seemed to be fairly unanimous. And I am reading every one of your comments!  So, if you haven’t made a comment yet to enter, it’s not too late!

Remember when I got hysterical when I won? Look at me!

Remember when I had a breakdown on stage when I won? Look at me!

I’ll never forget the “Hysteria of Halle”.  I hope Cate Blanchett holds it together if she wins tomorrow.


I might finally win an Oscar!


I probably won’t win anything…


I’m a confused old man…


Look at me! You better give me that F*#KING OSCAR!


I might not win tomorrow but I have a pretty nice rack, don’t you think?

12 yr

If I don’t win, I hope the white people feel even guiltier…








ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT! If I win and say this, someone kill me, alright?


No one even saw this f***king film! But I’m totally due for an Oscar!



I’m a great actor, but a douche in real life!

You don't know what acting is....

You don’t know what acting is….


I’ll show up, but I won’t win. I’m up against Meryl for chrissake!


I’m a good actor too…I’m just weird.







I'm funnier than Seth MacFarlane

I’m funnier than Seth MacFarlane

The Rules:

Each day there will be two Oscar-related questions. Post your answers in the comment section. Each comment is an entry into the giveaway. At the end of the week a winner will be chosen at random. The contest will conclude on Saturday 3/1. You get extra entries for posting Death to Hollywood on Facebook or Twitter, and “liking” the Death to Hollywood page on Facebook. The prize is always a surprise and Hollywood/Oscar related.

1. You have to be at least 18 years old to enter (that’s for legal reasons)

2. You have to live in the United States because I don’t ship internationally, sorry.

3. You have to answer two Oscar related questions as a comment on the blog.

4. It doesn’t matter if you’ve seen any of the nominated movies or if you get the questions right.

5. No purchase necessary (not that there’s anything to buy… legally I have to say it)



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